I tend to demonstrate a somewhat awkward social presence. I am inelegant in both posture and speech, which those who don’t know me are prone to confuse with insecurity, weakness or buffoonery. I realize I’m clumsy, but I also consider myself adroit; two adjectives generally considered antonyms. I am proficient at solving technical issues and making shrewd observations, but can neither dance nor orate.
While discussing my gaucheness with a friend the other day, she remarked that one conspicuous aspect of my personality was a penchant for unexpectedly abrupt responses. She accredited this to my preference for erring on the side of humility, which was perhaps a bit too charitable. The truth is; I tend to think in a rather elusive, fragmented way. My mind traces broad connections between a plethora of memories while I strive to maintain a consistent, encompassing point of view. My inclination for avoiding assumptions while exhausting possibilities predisposes me toward exploring alternatives rather than providing answers.
In conversation, it can be difficult for me to know where to begin or forecast where I’m going. When asked how my day is going, for example, my mind races through a hundred different ways my day has gone and in what ways that day’s occurrences can be qualitatively interpreted. My contemplative nature compels me to burst into a diatribe on everything in a desperate attempt at grasping its essence. Usually before doing so, it occurs to me the questioner doesn’t actually care, so after a pregnant pause I reply, “Fine.”
I’m not very good at conducting a linear conversation limited and focused upon a single topic. At the same time, I prefer not to belabor things with unnecessary or unwanted tangents. I don’t easily accept declarations, overlook perspectives or dismiss improbabilities. Sometimes trying to coherently get my point across is akin to attempting long division in my head. I’m not very adept at explaining and elaborating on a subject without being able to write it down and edit it first.
The way I write echoes the way I process information. I usually begin with a rambling rant which is immediately followed up with another tangent aimed in a completely different direction. Then I jot down a list of key words and phrases that seem useful in drawing connections between and expounding upon the rants. After that, I simply work by turning the idea fragments into sentences or paragraphs and fitting them into the composition. As new thought fragments occur, I continue to compile them under the composition. I consider the essay finished when there are either no notes on the bottom of the page or I have no idea how to fit them in.
About a half hour into this essay, which had a working title of “Confidence,” it occurred to me to compare my social presence to my writing style. After adding, “How I write this blog…,” I copied and pasted what I’d written up to that point and moved it to the bottom of the document, where it sat for several days. Here it is:
"I tend to demonstrate a somewhsat awkward social presence. I am inelegant in both posture and speech, which others are prone to confuse with insecurity, weakness or buffoonery. While I realize I’m clumsy, I also consider myself adroit, two adjectives generally considered to be antonyms.
While discussing my gaucheness with a friend the other day, she observed the perplexing thing about me is that my responses can be unexpectedly abrupt.
Another quality I possess is abruptness. I don’t like to elaborate or explain without being able to write it down and edit it first.
I abhor boasting. Whenever anybody irrelevantly elucidates their fame or success, my gag reflex is triggered.
Matter-of-factness (don’t tend to elaborate exaggerate or.)
The more I elaborate, the greater my chances become of pissing people off.
How I write this blog: words and sentence fragments, put in order, complete the sentences.
Private: don’t like to allow others to watch me work. Will tend to accomplish feats very fast in hopes they won’t be witnessed.
Flaw: sometimes try to avoid input. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the opinions of others, it’s just that I sometimes find them distracting."
While the way my mind processes information is a key factor in the way I communicate, my interests and biases are of equal significance. I’m curious to discover what earth creatures are capable of discovering, discerning and creating. Because I spend so much time conducting research instead of simply resigning myself to an opinion, I expect the same of others. I’m not at all interested in uninformed opinions. My thirst for human potential influences me to refrain from idle conversation, ego-stroking or living in the past. I desire to avoid clichés and whittle talk down to educated opinions and observations. I’m easily irritated by nervous chatter. I love finding those rare people who are willing to join me in finding ways of linking and comparing random subject matter.
One of the most bizarre things about American culture is that we are actually proud to be ignorant, and ridicule those who aren’t by calling them elitists and snobs. It seems most people seem completely disinterested in learning anything beyond their own nose, content either with believing their problems are the biggest problems in the world or that they’ve stumbled upon some simple solution to all the world’s problems. I can’t stand those who like to hear themselves talk- like that Lake Wobegon guy. I’ve witnessed entire evenings during which not a single necessary word was uttered. My theory is people can’t stand silence because it allows for contemplation. When I was younger, I found it confusing that adults didn’t seem to know very much. Now I’ve realized most people never learned how to think. We spend our lives being told how to behave and what to do by a bunch of people who spent their lives being told how to behave and what to do. I can’t stand this bandwagon mentality. Perhaps that is why I sometimes go out of my way to resist being agreeable. Success, popularity and convention are all reasons to be suspicious.
I abhor boasting as much as ignorance. I find it pointless and unnecessary. There is less value in what others have done than in how they’ve conducted themselves as they did it. Whenever anybody elucidates their accomplishments, my gag reflex is triggered. I absolutely cannot stand the likes of Oprah Winfrey, who has made billions of dollars simply by flaunting her so-called charitable acts. I don’t think anyone should do anything in order to be praised for it, in part because that means what is being done holds value in the eyes of others instead of themselves. For me, the need for external validation is a sign of weakness. I’d rather conduct my affairs in private, and often find myself accomplishing feats very fast in hopes they won’t be witnessed.
I have learned to be cautious about providing information about myself to strangers, in part because I am generally patently honest, even when that isn’t a prudent policy. Elaboration increases my chances of pissing others off. In my experience, most people are equal parts inauthentic and nosy, with untrustworthy motives and judgments. Most spend way too much time telling others what they think they want to hear; a game I do not play. Why the hell would I care to find out what you think I want to be told? This is why I believe criticism is usually more useful than praise. There’s nothing to be learned from being acknowledged for what you know, or more accurately, for what others think you know.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Like A Rolling Stone
Once upon a time you dressed so fine- threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you? People'd call, say, "Beware doll, you're bound to fall-" you thought they were all a’kiddin' you. You used to laugh about everybody that was hangin' out. Now you don't talk so loud, now you don't seem so proud, about having to be scrounging your next meal.
How does it feel? How does it feel to be without a home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone…?
Aw, you've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely, but you know you only used to get juiced in it. Nobody’s ever taught you how to live out on the street and now you're gonna have to get used to it. You say you’d never compromise with a mystery tramp, but now you realize he's not selling any alibis as you stare into the vacuum of his eyes and say, “Do you want to make a deal?”
How does it feel? How does it feel to be on your own with no direction home, a complete unknown, like a rolling stone…?
Aw, you never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did tricks for you. You never understood that it ain't no good- you shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you. You used to ride on a chrome horse with your diplomat who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat. Ain't it hard when you discover that he really wasn't where it's at, after he took from you everything he could steal?
How does it feel? How does it feel to have (sic) on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone…?
Aw, princess on the steeple and all the pretty people they're all drinkin', thinkin' that they’ve got it made. Exchanging all precious gifts, but you'd better take your diamond ring- you'd better pawn it, babe. You used to be so amused at Napoleon in rags and the language that he used. Go to him now, he calls you- you can't refuse. When you ain’t got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose. You're invisible now; you’ve got no secrets to conceal.
How does it feel? Aw, how does it feel to be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone…?
-Bob Dylan
How does it feel? How does it feel to be without a home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone…?
Aw, you've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely, but you know you only used to get juiced in it. Nobody’s ever taught you how to live out on the street and now you're gonna have to get used to it. You say you’d never compromise with a mystery tramp, but now you realize he's not selling any alibis as you stare into the vacuum of his eyes and say, “Do you want to make a deal?”
How does it feel? How does it feel to be on your own with no direction home, a complete unknown, like a rolling stone…?
Aw, you never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did tricks for you. You never understood that it ain't no good- you shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you. You used to ride on a chrome horse with your diplomat who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat. Ain't it hard when you discover that he really wasn't where it's at, after he took from you everything he could steal?
How does it feel? How does it feel to have (sic) on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone…?
Aw, princess on the steeple and all the pretty people they're all drinkin', thinkin' that they’ve got it made. Exchanging all precious gifts, but you'd better take your diamond ring- you'd better pawn it, babe. You used to be so amused at Napoleon in rags and the language that he used. Go to him now, he calls you- you can't refuse. When you ain’t got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose. You're invisible now; you’ve got no secrets to conceal.
How does it feel? Aw, how does it feel to be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone…?
-Bob Dylan
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Pitching
Molly recently mentioned the sex appeal to be found in a baseball pitcher’s ability to focus on her blog (in which she inexplicably calls me “A”), and since pitching is one of my favorite topics, I figured I’d do a copy-cat post… except far more exhaustive/obsessive.
There is a body-type that screams “football linesman” and another that screams “basketball center.” Baseball pitchers, on the other hand, come in all shapes and sizes. In order to pitch in the big leagues, you need to be able to throw at least two pitches, and you need to be able to throw at least one of these well. One of these must be a fastball, and the other needs to have either speed or movement that is distinctly different from that fastball. A starting pitcher, who is expected to face the same opposing players multiple times over the course of a game, will probably need to know how to throw a third pitch, unless he can throw one of the aforementioned pitches exceptionally well. A closer, whose job it is to retire the final few batters to secure a win, only needs to know how to throw one pitch if it is exceptional.
As a baseball travels through the air, its seams affect the air current around it, and different pitches are created by manipulating these air currents by altering the way the seams travel. When a pitch is released, the pitcher must be touching a 2 feet long slab, called “the rubber,” that is 1 foot higher and 60 feet 6 inches away from the 17 inch wide front of a five-sided plate shaped with two 12 inch angles aligned one each with the first and third base lines which begin 8.5 inches behind the front edge. One reason for the shape is to increase the difficultly of throwing a “back door” pitch which curves around the front edge but crosses over the back.
A “ball” is a pitch that does not go over the plate and between the mid-torso and lowest point of the kneecap of a batter, does not touch any part of the batter AND the batter makes no attempt to hit. The main goal of the pitcher is to retire each batter, which is called an “out,” before he throws four balls. On the fourth ball, the batter gets to advance to first base. This is called a “base on balls” or “walk.” After three outs, any base runners are cleared and the teams switch sides. Three outs recorded by each side is called an “inning.”
A Major League fastball leaves the pitcher’s hand and crosses home plate in less than half a second. A ball hit by a batter can return to a pitcher in less time than that.
There are a myriad of limitations put on the pitcher. For example, the pitcher can do almost nothing to trick a base runner. Doing so is called a “balk” allowing all base runners to advance one base, and what constitutes trickery is a matter of such debate it is not even legal for anyone to question or argue a called balk. (The pitcher can fake a throw if he is not touching the rubber when he does so.) A pitcher also can’t use a scuffed or otherwise affected ball, throw a softball-style windmill pitch or lick his fingers and then touch the ball without wiping his hand first unless he does so when he’s not standing on the mound. The weapons the pitcher is left with are skill, determination, guile, nerves of steel and eight teammates. The overall strategy of the pitcher is to get and keep the batter off balance and out of rhythm.
It becomes quickly obvious to anyone whose job it is to prevent a person with a bat wound behind their head from hitting a ball that it would be prudent to keep the ball as far away from that bat as possible. In other words, throw a pitch low and away. And eureka, this is the key location every pitcher needs to be able to deliver a pitch to. Not only does it take more time for the bat to reach that spot, it also forces the batter to extend his arms, eliminating arm muscles from the equation, pushes the batter’s balance forward and prevents the bat from getting under the ball and giving it lift.
Anybody that can consistently throw a pitch low and away will not only make millions of dollars, but if they can continue to do it year after year, like Greg Maddux, they will become a hall-of-famer. Baseball is really easy. Of course, if you keep throwing pitches low and away, the batter will cheat forward and anticipate that location. This can be quickly remedied by throwing a fastball high and inside, which will force the batter backward, which is no simple task when leaning forward, so he will be too busy getting out of the way to swing at the pitch. In order to entice a batter looking low and away to awkwardly swing, you must pitch inside but keep it low. But this is risky, because if a batter is looking for a pitch low and inside or if any pitch is too centered over the plate, the batter has a good chance of hitting it full force. The only reason to intentionally throw a pitch high and outside is if you’re trying to walk the batter. That’s pretty much how pitching works. On paper.
The importance of throwing a pitch low and away is also a major reason why, with rare exception, it is advantageous for a right-handed pitcher to face a batter on the right-handed or third base side of the plate and vice-versa. This is because the natural arc of a pitch thrown by a right-hander will tend to cause it to go away from the third base side of the plate. For the same reason, however, it is more difficult for a right-handed pitcher to throw low and inside to a batter on the right side and vice versa. In other words, strategy will be affected by whether a pitcher is facing a batter on the left or right side. A batter on the left-handed side has better odds of getting a pitch middle-in while facing a right-handed pitcher than a righty facing the same guy. Also, a batter hitting a right-handed pitcher on the left-handed side has a better angle to see the ball as it is released from the right-hander’s hand. An important aspect of any pitcher is his ability to hide the ball, distract the eye of the batter and/or be unpredictable before and as he throws. Before a batter can hit the ball, he first has to be able to see it. Then, he has milliseconds to judge its angle, spin and speed and react.
There is a little more to striking a baseball than the bat simply connecting with the ball. The bat has a so-called “sweet-spot” in which physics allows maximal thrust upon the ball upon contact. Although opinions differ, the sweet spot of a bat is an area around 3 inches long, which is exactly the diameter of a baseball. Humans can instinctually intuit the sweet-spot of a bat better than modern physics, which, frankly, is pretty freaking awesome. That is to say it’s really, really difficult to squarely hit a moving baseball with a cylindrical piece of wood. A successful pitcher is able to prevent a well-trained batter from connecting the ball with the sweet-spot.
Anybody who claims baseball isn’t a team sport is a dolt. By far the most common method of getting a batter out is by getting him to hit a ball poorly in play so that a fielder can either catch it in the air or get it into the hand of someone who can touch first base before the batter. The pitches thrown and the defensive alignment of the fielders are specifically designed and arranged to best exploit the weakness and tendencies of each batter and the strengths of the pitcher. The beauty of sport, of course, is that things often don’t go according to plan, and the true spirit of a pitcher is revealed when they don’t.
Being unpredictable is a far riskier strategy than sticking with what’s working. A disciplined hitter who recognizes an effective pitch will often simply wait until the pitcher throws something else. It is a rare day when a pitcher can throw all of his pitches with equal effectiveness. Some of this is out of the pitcher’s control, as the movement of a ball is influenced in part by wind, humidity and elevation. The pitcher and batter both spend the game figuring out what pitches are most reliable and deceptive as well as which pitches that pitcher/batter have the most confidence in throwing/hitting that day. Pitchers get in trouble when they lose confidence or have too much confidence in an unreliable or predictable pitch.
The “strike zone” or simply “zone” is the area above the plate, above the lowest point of the kneecaps and below the middle of the batter’s torso. The batter cannot have either foot completely outside a rectangular area, called a batter’s box, 6 feet long, 4 feet wide and 6 inches away from home plate when he strikes the ball or he is automatically out. Any pitch deemed to have traveled through the strike zone regardless of whether the batter attempts to hit it or any pitch the batter attempts to hit but misses is called a “strike.” Any struck ball that is touched by a fielder while out of play, stops out of play before reaching a bag (90 feet), is wide of the bag while crossing it after a bounce, initially lands out of play beyond a bag or strikes the batter while he is still in the batter’s box is called a “foul” and is out of play, but all other struck balls are “fair” and in play. A foul with less than two strikes is also marked as a strike. Any ball that is caught in the air except a ball immediately caught by the catcher with less than two strikes is considered an “out” and that ball is considered in play (even if caught in foul territory). A batter is out after three strikes, unless the third strike hits the ground before being caught in which case that ball is considered in play unless there is a runner on first base and there are less than two outs. Getting that third strike against a batter is called a “strike-out,” even if it hits the ground, so it is possible to strike out and still get on base. In scoring, strike-outs are represented with a “K,” and a strike-out secured without a batter trying to swing is noted with a backwards K. The “pitch count” is the number of balls and strikes accumulated during an at bat, and balls are always announced or listed first.
The fastball will always be the most important pitch in baseball. There are several different kinds of fastballs, but they all share a backspin rotation which minimizes drag, although the best ones still have subtle movement. To clarify movement- baseballs can move laterally or down as they travel through the air. One of the greatest fastballs in history belonged to Sandy Koufax, and those who saw it swear it actually rose in the air on its way to home plate. This is so commonly believed that Koufax’s Wikipedia entry actually gives an explanation as to why it rose, but since baseballs don’t have wings, it is in fact impossible for a baseball to rise or lift. In reality a rising fastball is merely an optical illusion, but since batters get very good at calculating the effects of gravity on the ball, fastballs with minimal declination, especially when thrown higher in the zone, can be very effective. Pitch speed is measured from when it leaves the pitcher’s hand, and even a fastball is going around 10 mph slower than the measured speed by the time it reaches the batter. As a ball slows, it is more likely to be affected by air currents, and this is why many fastballs have what is called “late movement.”
Pitches thrown with a twisting or limited rotation are called breaking balls. The seams induce asymmetrical drag that causes the ball to move. This drag also slows down the ball- unless you’re talking about a freak pitch like Randy Johnson’s slider. This decreased speed can be advantageous as varying the speeds of pitches interrupts the batter’s timing. A change-up is a pitch with backspin rotation but thrown using weaker fingers or grip so that it looks like a fastball but travels substantially slower. The point of a breaking ball is to give it movement away from or into and under the bat while the point of the change-up is to drop unexpectedly under the bat. Breaking balls and change-ups are collectively contrasted from fastballs by being called off-speed pitches. Every off-speed pitch should arrive low in the strike zone. An off-speed pitch that arrives above the batter’s waist will provide a good angle for the batter to see the ball and ample time for the batter to get the bat under the ball, all while the ball is conveniently dropping into the bat. Such a pitch is called a “hanger,” and the only reason every hanger isn’t annihilated is that, since pitchers never intend to throw it, hitters aren’t always expecting it.
Many people forget that pitchers want to avoid throwing in the strike zone as much as possible. They want the batter to chase balls that are out of the zone. This is best done by not giving the batter the opportunity to wait for a predictable or hittable pitch. For this reason the pitcher wants the first pitch to be a strike. That first pitch sets up the rest of the at-bat. In jazz there’s a saying, “It’s not what you play, it’s what you play next that counts.” Adapted to baseball, it is often true that it’s not what pitch is thrown, it’s what pitch is thrown next that counts. Every pitch can change the momentum of whether there’s more pressure on the batter to hit the ball or on the pitcher to get a strike on the next pitch. Pitch counts that favor the hitter are called “hitter’s counts” for obvious reasons. These are 1-0, 2-0, 3-0, 2-1 and 3-1. All other pitch counts tend to favor the pitcher, except 3-2, or “full count,” which slightly favors the hitter but can also favor the pitcher depending on the circumstances. Hitter’s counts add pressure on the pitcher to get a ball in the strike zone, so he will tend to throw a pitch he can best control (usually the fastball) and aim it dangerously more toward the center of the zone. Hitter’s counts are often called fastball counts.
Balls and strikes are determined by a human umpire. Different umpires see the strike zone a bit differently and the strike zone can change pitcher to pitcher and over the course of a game. The most irritating games are those in which the strike zone changes pitch to pitch. The more movement a pitch has, the more difficult it is to determine whether it traveled through the strike zone. A pitch is less likely to be called a strike if it misses the intended location, which can be exposed by where the catcher puts his glove or how he catches it. One task of the pitcher is to find out how far low and outside they can throw and still get a strike called.
Each major league team is only allowed to have 25 players on their active roster except from September 1st until the end of the regular season, when they can have 40. Of the 25, around 12 are pitchers. Starting pitchers are usually expected to throw just over a hundred pitches per game. The goal is to retire a side in 15 or less pitches. During the regular season, which is 162 games long, starting pitchers rest for four days after pitching in one, which means there are five starting pitchers. The rest are relief pitchers whose job it is to replace the starting pitcher for various reasons, often because the pitcher has become ineffective or the manager thinks another pitcher will be more effective against a certain batter. Major League baseball is divided into two leagues, called the National League and the American League, and in the 70’s the American League added a rule allowing for another player to bat in place of the pitcher. This is called the designated hitter rule, and the logic behind is since pitchers don’t hit every day to get into a balanced rhythm, they are usually the worst hitters on the team. In the National League, where the designated hitter rule is considered a cop-out, pitchers are often taken out of the game to be replaced by a better hitter.
Baseball players are expected to follow certain rules of conduct. These rules, often unwritten, are sometimes enforced by a pitcher in the form of a fastball to the body of a batter. I defy anyone who doesn’t think this is a good idea to watch a professional American basketball game. But seriously, the designated hitter rule can be tied to a frowning upon this tradition, as now in the American League the pitcher does not have the potential to taste a bit of his own medicine if exception is taken to his actions.
Baseball loves statistics, and one of the more complicated statistics is a pitcher’s ERA, which stands for earned run average. Basically it is a tool designed to judge a pitcher’s ability at preventing the other team from scoring, and measures the points scored by the opposition that can be blamed in part on the pitcher for every nine innings that pitcher works. A great ERA of a starting pitcher is 2 or lower. ERA does not work well for comparing relief pitchers, as one bad inning will tend to inflate the statistic for awhile. If I were in charge, I’d invent a stat called FBF, or first batter faced, to judge the effectiveness of a relief pitcher in retiring the first batter. But currently, the best statistic to use when valuing a relief pitcher is by looking at his strike-out to walk ratio (strike-outs divided by walks), which shouldn’t really be worse than three.
Another statistic every starting pitcher will forever be tied to is his record. A baseball game is considered “official” after five complete innings, and in every official game, one and only one pitcher is credited with a “win” and another with a “loss.” Any pitcher who leaves the game before it is official cannot qualify for a win or loss and is credited with a “no-decision.” Every pitcher that pitches at least five full innings automatically qualifies for a win or loss unless the game is tied when he is taken out. (For this reason it is very controversial whenever a pitcher with the lead is taken out of a game in the fifth inning.) If his team is or gets ahead in the same inning in which he was removed and stays a head for the rest of the game, he gets a win. If his team is behind or gets behind in the same inning in which he was removed and stays behind for the rest of the game, he gets a loss. If the score gets tied or the lead changes sides in any inning after a pitcher was removed, that pitcher will get a “”no-decision.” If a starting pitcher gets a no-decision, the win or loss will fall on a relief pitcher. If more than one relief pitcher pitched in an inning during which a lead was taken, it becomes the job of the official scorer to decide which is credited with the win or loss. Of the 32 games a pitcher can expect to start, the lofty goal of every pitcher is to get 20 wins in a season. In some years nobody succeeds in this endeavor.
A “save” is a relatively modern stat that determines the effectiveness of a pitcher in securing a team’s win by retaining the lead at the end of a game and getting the final opposing batter out. A player qualifies for a save if he enters and finishes a game with his team leading and pitches at least three innings, or pitches at least an inning with a three run or less lead or pitches at least 1/3 of an inning and enters the game with the potential tying run on base, at bat or next up to bat (which is called “on-deck”). If that same pitcher loses the lead, he is credited with a “blown save.” While it is not possible to be credited with both a save and a win in the same game, a pitcher can actually get a blown-save and a win.
For more information on baseball and how it works, read the complete official baseball rules, which are surprisingly articulate, at: http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/downloads/y2010/official_rules/2010_OfficialBaseballRules.pdf
There is a body-type that screams “football linesman” and another that screams “basketball center.” Baseball pitchers, on the other hand, come in all shapes and sizes. In order to pitch in the big leagues, you need to be able to throw at least two pitches, and you need to be able to throw at least one of these well. One of these must be a fastball, and the other needs to have either speed or movement that is distinctly different from that fastball. A starting pitcher, who is expected to face the same opposing players multiple times over the course of a game, will probably need to know how to throw a third pitch, unless he can throw one of the aforementioned pitches exceptionally well. A closer, whose job it is to retire the final few batters to secure a win, only needs to know how to throw one pitch if it is exceptional.
As a baseball travels through the air, its seams affect the air current around it, and different pitches are created by manipulating these air currents by altering the way the seams travel. When a pitch is released, the pitcher must be touching a 2 feet long slab, called “the rubber,” that is 1 foot higher and 60 feet 6 inches away from the 17 inch wide front of a five-sided plate shaped with two 12 inch angles aligned one each with the first and third base lines which begin 8.5 inches behind the front edge. One reason for the shape is to increase the difficultly of throwing a “back door” pitch which curves around the front edge but crosses over the back.
A “ball” is a pitch that does not go over the plate and between the mid-torso and lowest point of the kneecap of a batter, does not touch any part of the batter AND the batter makes no attempt to hit. The main goal of the pitcher is to retire each batter, which is called an “out,” before he throws four balls. On the fourth ball, the batter gets to advance to first base. This is called a “base on balls” or “walk.” After three outs, any base runners are cleared and the teams switch sides. Three outs recorded by each side is called an “inning.”
A Major League fastball leaves the pitcher’s hand and crosses home plate in less than half a second. A ball hit by a batter can return to a pitcher in less time than that.
There are a myriad of limitations put on the pitcher. For example, the pitcher can do almost nothing to trick a base runner. Doing so is called a “balk” allowing all base runners to advance one base, and what constitutes trickery is a matter of such debate it is not even legal for anyone to question or argue a called balk. (The pitcher can fake a throw if he is not touching the rubber when he does so.) A pitcher also can’t use a scuffed or otherwise affected ball, throw a softball-style windmill pitch or lick his fingers and then touch the ball without wiping his hand first unless he does so when he’s not standing on the mound. The weapons the pitcher is left with are skill, determination, guile, nerves of steel and eight teammates. The overall strategy of the pitcher is to get and keep the batter off balance and out of rhythm.
It becomes quickly obvious to anyone whose job it is to prevent a person with a bat wound behind their head from hitting a ball that it would be prudent to keep the ball as far away from that bat as possible. In other words, throw a pitch low and away. And eureka, this is the key location every pitcher needs to be able to deliver a pitch to. Not only does it take more time for the bat to reach that spot, it also forces the batter to extend his arms, eliminating arm muscles from the equation, pushes the batter’s balance forward and prevents the bat from getting under the ball and giving it lift.
Anybody that can consistently throw a pitch low and away will not only make millions of dollars, but if they can continue to do it year after year, like Greg Maddux, they will become a hall-of-famer. Baseball is really easy. Of course, if you keep throwing pitches low and away, the batter will cheat forward and anticipate that location. This can be quickly remedied by throwing a fastball high and inside, which will force the batter backward, which is no simple task when leaning forward, so he will be too busy getting out of the way to swing at the pitch. In order to entice a batter looking low and away to awkwardly swing, you must pitch inside but keep it low. But this is risky, because if a batter is looking for a pitch low and inside or if any pitch is too centered over the plate, the batter has a good chance of hitting it full force. The only reason to intentionally throw a pitch high and outside is if you’re trying to walk the batter. That’s pretty much how pitching works. On paper.
The importance of throwing a pitch low and away is also a major reason why, with rare exception, it is advantageous for a right-handed pitcher to face a batter on the right-handed or third base side of the plate and vice-versa. This is because the natural arc of a pitch thrown by a right-hander will tend to cause it to go away from the third base side of the plate. For the same reason, however, it is more difficult for a right-handed pitcher to throw low and inside to a batter on the right side and vice versa. In other words, strategy will be affected by whether a pitcher is facing a batter on the left or right side. A batter on the left-handed side has better odds of getting a pitch middle-in while facing a right-handed pitcher than a righty facing the same guy. Also, a batter hitting a right-handed pitcher on the left-handed side has a better angle to see the ball as it is released from the right-hander’s hand. An important aspect of any pitcher is his ability to hide the ball, distract the eye of the batter and/or be unpredictable before and as he throws. Before a batter can hit the ball, he first has to be able to see it. Then, he has milliseconds to judge its angle, spin and speed and react.
There is a little more to striking a baseball than the bat simply connecting with the ball. The bat has a so-called “sweet-spot” in which physics allows maximal thrust upon the ball upon contact. Although opinions differ, the sweet spot of a bat is an area around 3 inches long, which is exactly the diameter of a baseball. Humans can instinctually intuit the sweet-spot of a bat better than modern physics, which, frankly, is pretty freaking awesome. That is to say it’s really, really difficult to squarely hit a moving baseball with a cylindrical piece of wood. A successful pitcher is able to prevent a well-trained batter from connecting the ball with the sweet-spot.
Anybody who claims baseball isn’t a team sport is a dolt. By far the most common method of getting a batter out is by getting him to hit a ball poorly in play so that a fielder can either catch it in the air or get it into the hand of someone who can touch first base before the batter. The pitches thrown and the defensive alignment of the fielders are specifically designed and arranged to best exploit the weakness and tendencies of each batter and the strengths of the pitcher. The beauty of sport, of course, is that things often don’t go according to plan, and the true spirit of a pitcher is revealed when they don’t.
Being unpredictable is a far riskier strategy than sticking with what’s working. A disciplined hitter who recognizes an effective pitch will often simply wait until the pitcher throws something else. It is a rare day when a pitcher can throw all of his pitches with equal effectiveness. Some of this is out of the pitcher’s control, as the movement of a ball is influenced in part by wind, humidity and elevation. The pitcher and batter both spend the game figuring out what pitches are most reliable and deceptive as well as which pitches that pitcher/batter have the most confidence in throwing/hitting that day. Pitchers get in trouble when they lose confidence or have too much confidence in an unreliable or predictable pitch.
The “strike zone” or simply “zone” is the area above the plate, above the lowest point of the kneecaps and below the middle of the batter’s torso. The batter cannot have either foot completely outside a rectangular area, called a batter’s box, 6 feet long, 4 feet wide and 6 inches away from home plate when he strikes the ball or he is automatically out. Any pitch deemed to have traveled through the strike zone regardless of whether the batter attempts to hit it or any pitch the batter attempts to hit but misses is called a “strike.” Any struck ball that is touched by a fielder while out of play, stops out of play before reaching a bag (90 feet), is wide of the bag while crossing it after a bounce, initially lands out of play beyond a bag or strikes the batter while he is still in the batter’s box is called a “foul” and is out of play, but all other struck balls are “fair” and in play. A foul with less than two strikes is also marked as a strike. Any ball that is caught in the air except a ball immediately caught by the catcher with less than two strikes is considered an “out” and that ball is considered in play (even if caught in foul territory). A batter is out after three strikes, unless the third strike hits the ground before being caught in which case that ball is considered in play unless there is a runner on first base and there are less than two outs. Getting that third strike against a batter is called a “strike-out,” even if it hits the ground, so it is possible to strike out and still get on base. In scoring, strike-outs are represented with a “K,” and a strike-out secured without a batter trying to swing is noted with a backwards K. The “pitch count” is the number of balls and strikes accumulated during an at bat, and balls are always announced or listed first.
The fastball will always be the most important pitch in baseball. There are several different kinds of fastballs, but they all share a backspin rotation which minimizes drag, although the best ones still have subtle movement. To clarify movement- baseballs can move laterally or down as they travel through the air. One of the greatest fastballs in history belonged to Sandy Koufax, and those who saw it swear it actually rose in the air on its way to home plate. This is so commonly believed that Koufax’s Wikipedia entry actually gives an explanation as to why it rose, but since baseballs don’t have wings, it is in fact impossible for a baseball to rise or lift. In reality a rising fastball is merely an optical illusion, but since batters get very good at calculating the effects of gravity on the ball, fastballs with minimal declination, especially when thrown higher in the zone, can be very effective. Pitch speed is measured from when it leaves the pitcher’s hand, and even a fastball is going around 10 mph slower than the measured speed by the time it reaches the batter. As a ball slows, it is more likely to be affected by air currents, and this is why many fastballs have what is called “late movement.”
Pitches thrown with a twisting or limited rotation are called breaking balls. The seams induce asymmetrical drag that causes the ball to move. This drag also slows down the ball- unless you’re talking about a freak pitch like Randy Johnson’s slider. This decreased speed can be advantageous as varying the speeds of pitches interrupts the batter’s timing. A change-up is a pitch with backspin rotation but thrown using weaker fingers or grip so that it looks like a fastball but travels substantially slower. The point of a breaking ball is to give it movement away from or into and under the bat while the point of the change-up is to drop unexpectedly under the bat. Breaking balls and change-ups are collectively contrasted from fastballs by being called off-speed pitches. Every off-speed pitch should arrive low in the strike zone. An off-speed pitch that arrives above the batter’s waist will provide a good angle for the batter to see the ball and ample time for the batter to get the bat under the ball, all while the ball is conveniently dropping into the bat. Such a pitch is called a “hanger,” and the only reason every hanger isn’t annihilated is that, since pitchers never intend to throw it, hitters aren’t always expecting it.
Many people forget that pitchers want to avoid throwing in the strike zone as much as possible. They want the batter to chase balls that are out of the zone. This is best done by not giving the batter the opportunity to wait for a predictable or hittable pitch. For this reason the pitcher wants the first pitch to be a strike. That first pitch sets up the rest of the at-bat. In jazz there’s a saying, “It’s not what you play, it’s what you play next that counts.” Adapted to baseball, it is often true that it’s not what pitch is thrown, it’s what pitch is thrown next that counts. Every pitch can change the momentum of whether there’s more pressure on the batter to hit the ball or on the pitcher to get a strike on the next pitch. Pitch counts that favor the hitter are called “hitter’s counts” for obvious reasons. These are 1-0, 2-0, 3-0, 2-1 and 3-1. All other pitch counts tend to favor the pitcher, except 3-2, or “full count,” which slightly favors the hitter but can also favor the pitcher depending on the circumstances. Hitter’s counts add pressure on the pitcher to get a ball in the strike zone, so he will tend to throw a pitch he can best control (usually the fastball) and aim it dangerously more toward the center of the zone. Hitter’s counts are often called fastball counts.
Balls and strikes are determined by a human umpire. Different umpires see the strike zone a bit differently and the strike zone can change pitcher to pitcher and over the course of a game. The most irritating games are those in which the strike zone changes pitch to pitch. The more movement a pitch has, the more difficult it is to determine whether it traveled through the strike zone. A pitch is less likely to be called a strike if it misses the intended location, which can be exposed by where the catcher puts his glove or how he catches it. One task of the pitcher is to find out how far low and outside they can throw and still get a strike called.
Each major league team is only allowed to have 25 players on their active roster except from September 1st until the end of the regular season, when they can have 40. Of the 25, around 12 are pitchers. Starting pitchers are usually expected to throw just over a hundred pitches per game. The goal is to retire a side in 15 or less pitches. During the regular season, which is 162 games long, starting pitchers rest for four days after pitching in one, which means there are five starting pitchers. The rest are relief pitchers whose job it is to replace the starting pitcher for various reasons, often because the pitcher has become ineffective or the manager thinks another pitcher will be more effective against a certain batter. Major League baseball is divided into two leagues, called the National League and the American League, and in the 70’s the American League added a rule allowing for another player to bat in place of the pitcher. This is called the designated hitter rule, and the logic behind is since pitchers don’t hit every day to get into a balanced rhythm, they are usually the worst hitters on the team. In the National League, where the designated hitter rule is considered a cop-out, pitchers are often taken out of the game to be replaced by a better hitter.
Baseball players are expected to follow certain rules of conduct. These rules, often unwritten, are sometimes enforced by a pitcher in the form of a fastball to the body of a batter. I defy anyone who doesn’t think this is a good idea to watch a professional American basketball game. But seriously, the designated hitter rule can be tied to a frowning upon this tradition, as now in the American League the pitcher does not have the potential to taste a bit of his own medicine if exception is taken to his actions.
Baseball loves statistics, and one of the more complicated statistics is a pitcher’s ERA, which stands for earned run average. Basically it is a tool designed to judge a pitcher’s ability at preventing the other team from scoring, and measures the points scored by the opposition that can be blamed in part on the pitcher for every nine innings that pitcher works. A great ERA of a starting pitcher is 2 or lower. ERA does not work well for comparing relief pitchers, as one bad inning will tend to inflate the statistic for awhile. If I were in charge, I’d invent a stat called FBF, or first batter faced, to judge the effectiveness of a relief pitcher in retiring the first batter. But currently, the best statistic to use when valuing a relief pitcher is by looking at his strike-out to walk ratio (strike-outs divided by walks), which shouldn’t really be worse than three.
Another statistic every starting pitcher will forever be tied to is his record. A baseball game is considered “official” after five complete innings, and in every official game, one and only one pitcher is credited with a “win” and another with a “loss.” Any pitcher who leaves the game before it is official cannot qualify for a win or loss and is credited with a “no-decision.” Every pitcher that pitches at least five full innings automatically qualifies for a win or loss unless the game is tied when he is taken out. (For this reason it is very controversial whenever a pitcher with the lead is taken out of a game in the fifth inning.) If his team is or gets ahead in the same inning in which he was removed and stays a head for the rest of the game, he gets a win. If his team is behind or gets behind in the same inning in which he was removed and stays behind for the rest of the game, he gets a loss. If the score gets tied or the lead changes sides in any inning after a pitcher was removed, that pitcher will get a “”no-decision.” If a starting pitcher gets a no-decision, the win or loss will fall on a relief pitcher. If more than one relief pitcher pitched in an inning during which a lead was taken, it becomes the job of the official scorer to decide which is credited with the win or loss. Of the 32 games a pitcher can expect to start, the lofty goal of every pitcher is to get 20 wins in a season. In some years nobody succeeds in this endeavor.
A “save” is a relatively modern stat that determines the effectiveness of a pitcher in securing a team’s win by retaining the lead at the end of a game and getting the final opposing batter out. A player qualifies for a save if he enters and finishes a game with his team leading and pitches at least three innings, or pitches at least an inning with a three run or less lead or pitches at least 1/3 of an inning and enters the game with the potential tying run on base, at bat or next up to bat (which is called “on-deck”). If that same pitcher loses the lead, he is credited with a “blown save.” While it is not possible to be credited with both a save and a win in the same game, a pitcher can actually get a blown-save and a win.
For more information on baseball and how it works, read the complete official baseball rules, which are surprisingly articulate, at: http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/downloads/y2010/official_rules/2010_OfficialBaseballRules.pdf
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Discipline
I’ve witnessed a ton of small-town drama in Cedar Rapids. It’s as if I’m back in high school, replete with cliques and gossip. Part of me wishes they’d just shoot each other like they do in the city. (This is the point where, to be pc, I’m supposed to add “j/k.”)
I have this co-worker who talks loudly, disrespectfully and constantly about everyone and everything. She is impatient and impertinent. She seems easily agitated and full of pet peeves. I can’t figure out why she refuses to keep her own council. In other words, she reminds of ways I have frequently behaved. But the most annoying thing about her is that whenever anybody asks a question, she fidgets and rolls her eyes. Then like clockwork, presumably because she just heard an answer out of context, she asks THE EXACT SAME QUESTION.
Frankly, most people annoy me. I used to be a staunch adherer to Socrates’ approach toward others, whereby one should point out logical flaws and unquestioned assumptions in others until they poison you. Now, I’m more inclined to let fools be. It is frustrating that the idiot majority has more clout than me in political and social decisions, but it is futile to try and reason with unreasonable people. It seems the better policy is to live and let die. It is possible and preferable to dislike personalities, attitudes and behaviors without letting them irritate you.
There’s this other co-worker who is paranoid about being disrespected and/or disliked, and as a result is easily rattled. He’ll take the subtlest things as an insult and lash out in anger, insisting upon his ethical superiority. He spends much of his time oscillating between shaking his head, gesturing loudly and laughing hysterically. He’s the type who brags loudly that there’s nobody in Cedar Rapids who can knock him out. I don’t see the point in being able to take a punch if you can’t even take criticism. I doubt he’s ever seen Cool Hand Luke. To me the question in life is not whether you can take a punch, but whether you can take a punch without punching back. To me the question in life is not whether you can be knocked down, but whether you can get back up and take another.
To borrow a scene from Fight Club, discipline is found in letting go of the steering wheel at 60 mph and staring silently and fearlessly into the oncoming headlights....
I have this co-worker who talks loudly, disrespectfully and constantly about everyone and everything. She is impatient and impertinent. She seems easily agitated and full of pet peeves. I can’t figure out why she refuses to keep her own council. In other words, she reminds of ways I have frequently behaved. But the most annoying thing about her is that whenever anybody asks a question, she fidgets and rolls her eyes. Then like clockwork, presumably because she just heard an answer out of context, she asks THE EXACT SAME QUESTION.
Frankly, most people annoy me. I used to be a staunch adherer to Socrates’ approach toward others, whereby one should point out logical flaws and unquestioned assumptions in others until they poison you. Now, I’m more inclined to let fools be. It is frustrating that the idiot majority has more clout than me in political and social decisions, but it is futile to try and reason with unreasonable people. It seems the better policy is to live and let die. It is possible and preferable to dislike personalities, attitudes and behaviors without letting them irritate you.
There’s this other co-worker who is paranoid about being disrespected and/or disliked, and as a result is easily rattled. He’ll take the subtlest things as an insult and lash out in anger, insisting upon his ethical superiority. He spends much of his time oscillating between shaking his head, gesturing loudly and laughing hysterically. He’s the type who brags loudly that there’s nobody in Cedar Rapids who can knock him out. I don’t see the point in being able to take a punch if you can’t even take criticism. I doubt he’s ever seen Cool Hand Luke. To me the question in life is not whether you can take a punch, but whether you can take a punch without punching back. To me the question in life is not whether you can be knocked down, but whether you can get back up and take another.
To borrow a scene from Fight Club, discipline is found in letting go of the steering wheel at 60 mph and staring silently and fearlessly into the oncoming headlights....
Monday, January 10, 2011
Internet Radio
Around 2001, the accountant at the recording studio I was working at and I both applied for a job describing music for an upstart website. She got the job; I didn’t- which turned out to be a blessing because the company didn’t actually have any money so everybody was working for no pay. All I needed was another volunteer position!
Fast-forward a few years, and Pandora is doing pretty well for itself. For those of you who don’t know, www.pandora.com is a website that allows you to choose artists or songs from which it creates a “radio” station of similar music. You can include multiple performers or songs in each radio station you create, which is essential for preventing the station from becoming repetitive.
I have been using Pandora for a few years now. In fact, I am currently listening to “Allauddin Khan Radio.” When I first tried to create this station, there was no Hindustani music to speak of; mostly horrible World fusion. This could have been my fault, as the first names I used in creating the station were Ravi Shankar and Zakir Hussain. Now, their northern Indian classical section is larger than I would have expected.
Unfortunately, one can only listen to 40 hours of Pandora per month for free, even though it is riddled with advertisements and commercials. Fortunately, there are other internet radio stations. Last.fm, which has no listening restrictions, is even better than Pandora. Last.fm seems to have a larger underground music database. Although I think it’s possible, I’ve never bothered to figure out how to link artists with Last.fm, which is a credit to the site as Pandora would be unbearable without the artist links.
Last.fm does not have a pause button, which is annoying. It also does not automatically start playing when you go to the website, as Pandora does, and often crashes while trying to play the annoying commercial before the station starts. Last. Fm doesn’t play commercials between songs as Pandora does. It keeps track of every song you’ve ever played on it, but I’m not sure what the benefit of this is. On Last.fm you can comment on tracks (like on youtube), and if you click on the name of a commenter, you can see their listening history, which is actually kind of creepy, but useful for getting a chance to listen to bands others are constantly listening to but you’ve never heard of.
Pandora generally leans toward popular music. My “Tool Radio” station, for example, is lame- it plays a bunch of Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails and Nirvana- none of which have much in common with Tool other than being early ‘90’s band that gained huge popularity. The “Tool Radio” for Last.fm, however, plays much more relevant artists such as Opeth, Indukti and Isis. Of course, you also get crap like Peach and Deftones which is just grating and completely unwanted. Both Tool stations play Soundgarden, but Pandora plays their shit like “Black Hole Sun” whereas Last.fm plays awesome Soundgarden such as “The Day I Tried To Live.” Last.fm seems a bit more aware of member ties; thus they’ll play ASHES dIVIDE (sic as far as I’m concerned; pet peeve) and Pandora won’t.
I listen to a wide variety of music. Some other artist names I frequently use to create radio stations are: El Lebrijano (flamenco), Albert Ayler (post-Coltrane jazz), Art Ensemble of Chicago (avant garde), Thelonious Monk (bebop), Charles Mingus (music), Busoni or Debussy (classical piano), Slayer (heavy metal), Blind Lemon Jefferson or Skip James (blues) and Buckethead (guitar).
Fast-forward a few years, and Pandora is doing pretty well for itself. For those of you who don’t know, www.pandora.com is a website that allows you to choose artists or songs from which it creates a “radio” station of similar music. You can include multiple performers or songs in each radio station you create, which is essential for preventing the station from becoming repetitive.
I have been using Pandora for a few years now. In fact, I am currently listening to “Allauddin Khan Radio.” When I first tried to create this station, there was no Hindustani music to speak of; mostly horrible World fusion. This could have been my fault, as the first names I used in creating the station were Ravi Shankar and Zakir Hussain. Now, their northern Indian classical section is larger than I would have expected.
Unfortunately, one can only listen to 40 hours of Pandora per month for free, even though it is riddled with advertisements and commercials. Fortunately, there are other internet radio stations. Last.fm, which has no listening restrictions, is even better than Pandora. Last.fm seems to have a larger underground music database. Although I think it’s possible, I’ve never bothered to figure out how to link artists with Last.fm, which is a credit to the site as Pandora would be unbearable without the artist links.
Last.fm does not have a pause button, which is annoying. It also does not automatically start playing when you go to the website, as Pandora does, and often crashes while trying to play the annoying commercial before the station starts. Last. Fm doesn’t play commercials between songs as Pandora does. It keeps track of every song you’ve ever played on it, but I’m not sure what the benefit of this is. On Last.fm you can comment on tracks (like on youtube), and if you click on the name of a commenter, you can see their listening history, which is actually kind of creepy, but useful for getting a chance to listen to bands others are constantly listening to but you’ve never heard of.
Pandora generally leans toward popular music. My “Tool Radio” station, for example, is lame- it plays a bunch of Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails and Nirvana- none of which have much in common with Tool other than being early ‘90’s band that gained huge popularity. The “Tool Radio” for Last.fm, however, plays much more relevant artists such as Opeth, Indukti and Isis. Of course, you also get crap like Peach and Deftones which is just grating and completely unwanted. Both Tool stations play Soundgarden, but Pandora plays their shit like “Black Hole Sun” whereas Last.fm plays awesome Soundgarden such as “The Day I Tried To Live.” Last.fm seems a bit more aware of member ties; thus they’ll play ASHES dIVIDE (sic as far as I’m concerned; pet peeve) and Pandora won’t.
I listen to a wide variety of music. Some other artist names I frequently use to create radio stations are: El Lebrijano (flamenco), Albert Ayler (post-Coltrane jazz), Art Ensemble of Chicago (avant garde), Thelonious Monk (bebop), Charles Mingus (music), Busoni or Debussy (classical piano), Slayer (heavy metal), Blind Lemon Jefferson or Skip James (blues) and Buckethead (guitar).
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Convent
Catholics have devised an ingenious method for recruiting free labor in exchange for room and board by taking advantage of the limited opportunities and insecurities of women who have had a relationship go bad or affair exposed and institutionalizing them inside a convent. Many women have been forced into convents by relatives as a way of punishment and to be “educated.” Others simply find themselves with nowhere else to go. Christians predictably stress the notion of penance: the idea that one should make good as compensation for behaving foolishly. The main duty of a Christian is to indoctrinate others. In business, this is called a pyramid scheme. In religion, it’s called a cult.
Christianity preys heavily on ignorance, insecurity, guilt and fear. It is very adept at exploiting the misfortunate by opportunistically enlisting the confused, stressed and vulnerable with the promise of guidance, success and love. Instead of considering or respecting the desires of individuals, Christianity claims to know what is best for everybody. By following God instead of your own impulses, you will find peace. Religion can be considered little more than a means of shirking personal responsibility.
They’ve established a notion that there are things nobody should ever do and calls them “sins.” Conveniently for anybody wanting to point out the flaws in others, most of these have to do with seeking enjoyment or indulging instinctual impulses, most notably sex. It stresses that flaws should and will be punished, while strict discipline and obedience will lead to an honorable life after death. This militaristic way of thinking is only useful for someone raising and training an army. Think about that!
After experiencing a personal relationship gone wrong, having a place you can stay for free with food provided and a roof over your head in relative peace and quiet while being able to distract yourself by spending your time serving your fellow man sounds idyllic. And probably no two things are more successful at making you feel better about yourself than being accepted as part of a group and helping others.
Another nice thing about a convent is that you don’t have to worry about personal one-on-one affection and intimacy. Real love makes you vulnerable and leads to disappointment. When grand ambitions leave you feeling helpless with your faith in humankind shattered, it is tempting to resign to a simple life where little opportunity is given for anything to go wrong. With religion, you can simply imagine yourself being loved while keeping a professional distance from it. It’s nice to feel safe from disillusionment. Eschewing responsibility in favor of reliance on an omnipotent, omni-present being who controls the fate of all and loves you personally can seem very safe and comforting, even if that being is suspiciously invisible and non-communicative.
The offering of something to believe is especially seductive and vivid after one is confronted with betrayal or the folly of one’s own assumptions. While nihilism is an ironic concept, I consider it a noble pursuit. It’s pathetic to assume one must believe in something, so if one belief system falls flat, it is a necessity to pick another one. The notion that having made mistakes somehow proves there’s a god is laughable. To quote The Big Lebowski: “Just because we’re bereaved, that doesn’t make us saps.”
Disappointment is a potent libido destroyer. The celibate nature of a convent can actually seem a refreshing change immediately after exiting a disastrous relationship. After all, the desire for sex was a major incentive for starting the relationship to begin with. Perhaps that means sex is bad after all, right? Following that logic, it stands to reason anything enjoyable has the potential to lead to disappointment, whereas asceticism will never let you down- it simply keeps you there while providing the illusion that desires are tamable and fate is under control. Life in a convent encourages you to let go of possessions and carnality, which is exactly the situation you’re likely to find yourself confronted in after a relationship falls apart anyway, unless you find/already have another relationship to pursue. Living alone, especially if you’ve never done it before, is pretty daunting. You don’t have to live alone in a convent!
I don’t buy into the concept of karma. Christians prefer to call it retribution. There are simply far too many assholes living comfortable lives to buy into any sort of cosmic justice. While it’s nice to suppose that someone who has wronged us has it coming back to them, wishful thinking should never be mistaken for actuality. Future behaviors or circumstances do not somehow cancel out or balance past blunders. Believing this is a gross misunderstanding of time.
I don’t understand how one would get out of a convent. I can’t think of a career where it is helpful to put “nun” on your resume. A convent isn’t designed to help women get back on their feet, but a cleverly devised trap in which fears are reinforced, suffering is celebrated, disillusionment with the world is encouraged and a promised reward not arriving until after death. Indeed, a convent seems the perfect place to be for someone who would rather be dead.
Epilogue
There are as many degrees of foolishness as there are humans. A distinction must be made between mistakes and transgressions. The guiding principle I use for judging human behavior is that all humans should be treated with respect, and unfortunately this concept is not found anywhere in Christianity. I define a mistake as a wrong or poor decision made in earnest, and contrast a transgression as a deliberate attempt at taking advantage of others. I’m not suggesting that it is possible to discern whether every act is a mistake or transgression, but I am stating there’s a difference between the two.
Having or exploring a relationship with another human can rarely be considered a mistake. Continuing a relationship with someone who treats humans poorly almost certainly is. But in the grand scheme of things, trusting an untrustworthy person or failing to communicate successfully are minor transgressions.
Life not working according to plan does not make the person living it a failure. Mistakes can be discouraging, and contrary to popular rhetoric, there’s sometimes nothing to be learned from them except how to accept responsibility, pick up pieces, leave pieces and move on.
Being a manipulative liar, on the other hand, is a transgression, not a mistake. Once you’ve proven yourself untrustworthy, it is a very long, nearly impossible path to regain any sort of integrity. One method for expediting the process of regaining trust is to remove yourself to a place where nobody knows your past. Of course, if this is done to create new opportunities for exploitation, this act is in itself a transgression. But if a charlatan joins a convent in order to remove themselves from society, realizing they are a detriment to it, I can respect that.
Christianity preys heavily on ignorance, insecurity, guilt and fear. It is very adept at exploiting the misfortunate by opportunistically enlisting the confused, stressed and vulnerable with the promise of guidance, success and love. Instead of considering or respecting the desires of individuals, Christianity claims to know what is best for everybody. By following God instead of your own impulses, you will find peace. Religion can be considered little more than a means of shirking personal responsibility.
They’ve established a notion that there are things nobody should ever do and calls them “sins.” Conveniently for anybody wanting to point out the flaws in others, most of these have to do with seeking enjoyment or indulging instinctual impulses, most notably sex. It stresses that flaws should and will be punished, while strict discipline and obedience will lead to an honorable life after death. This militaristic way of thinking is only useful for someone raising and training an army. Think about that!
After experiencing a personal relationship gone wrong, having a place you can stay for free with food provided and a roof over your head in relative peace and quiet while being able to distract yourself by spending your time serving your fellow man sounds idyllic. And probably no two things are more successful at making you feel better about yourself than being accepted as part of a group and helping others.
Another nice thing about a convent is that you don’t have to worry about personal one-on-one affection and intimacy. Real love makes you vulnerable and leads to disappointment. When grand ambitions leave you feeling helpless with your faith in humankind shattered, it is tempting to resign to a simple life where little opportunity is given for anything to go wrong. With religion, you can simply imagine yourself being loved while keeping a professional distance from it. It’s nice to feel safe from disillusionment. Eschewing responsibility in favor of reliance on an omnipotent, omni-present being who controls the fate of all and loves you personally can seem very safe and comforting, even if that being is suspiciously invisible and non-communicative.
The offering of something to believe is especially seductive and vivid after one is confronted with betrayal or the folly of one’s own assumptions. While nihilism is an ironic concept, I consider it a noble pursuit. It’s pathetic to assume one must believe in something, so if one belief system falls flat, it is a necessity to pick another one. The notion that having made mistakes somehow proves there’s a god is laughable. To quote The Big Lebowski: “Just because we’re bereaved, that doesn’t make us saps.”
Disappointment is a potent libido destroyer. The celibate nature of a convent can actually seem a refreshing change immediately after exiting a disastrous relationship. After all, the desire for sex was a major incentive for starting the relationship to begin with. Perhaps that means sex is bad after all, right? Following that logic, it stands to reason anything enjoyable has the potential to lead to disappointment, whereas asceticism will never let you down- it simply keeps you there while providing the illusion that desires are tamable and fate is under control. Life in a convent encourages you to let go of possessions and carnality, which is exactly the situation you’re likely to find yourself confronted in after a relationship falls apart anyway, unless you find/already have another relationship to pursue. Living alone, especially if you’ve never done it before, is pretty daunting. You don’t have to live alone in a convent!
I don’t buy into the concept of karma. Christians prefer to call it retribution. There are simply far too many assholes living comfortable lives to buy into any sort of cosmic justice. While it’s nice to suppose that someone who has wronged us has it coming back to them, wishful thinking should never be mistaken for actuality. Future behaviors or circumstances do not somehow cancel out or balance past blunders. Believing this is a gross misunderstanding of time.
I don’t understand how one would get out of a convent. I can’t think of a career where it is helpful to put “nun” on your resume. A convent isn’t designed to help women get back on their feet, but a cleverly devised trap in which fears are reinforced, suffering is celebrated, disillusionment with the world is encouraged and a promised reward not arriving until after death. Indeed, a convent seems the perfect place to be for someone who would rather be dead.
Epilogue
There are as many degrees of foolishness as there are humans. A distinction must be made between mistakes and transgressions. The guiding principle I use for judging human behavior is that all humans should be treated with respect, and unfortunately this concept is not found anywhere in Christianity. I define a mistake as a wrong or poor decision made in earnest, and contrast a transgression as a deliberate attempt at taking advantage of others. I’m not suggesting that it is possible to discern whether every act is a mistake or transgression, but I am stating there’s a difference between the two.
Having or exploring a relationship with another human can rarely be considered a mistake. Continuing a relationship with someone who treats humans poorly almost certainly is. But in the grand scheme of things, trusting an untrustworthy person or failing to communicate successfully are minor transgressions.
Life not working according to plan does not make the person living it a failure. Mistakes can be discouraging, and contrary to popular rhetoric, there’s sometimes nothing to be learned from them except how to accept responsibility, pick up pieces, leave pieces and move on.
Being a manipulative liar, on the other hand, is a transgression, not a mistake. Once you’ve proven yourself untrustworthy, it is a very long, nearly impossible path to regain any sort of integrity. One method for expediting the process of regaining trust is to remove yourself to a place where nobody knows your past. Of course, if this is done to create new opportunities for exploitation, this act is in itself a transgression. But if a charlatan joins a convent in order to remove themselves from society, realizing they are a detriment to it, I can respect that.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
My Cats
Boo Radley and Nobody were born on June 21st, 2003. I learned of this through Amy, my girlfriend at the time. Her co-worker had three female cats that had all had litters at the same time, and Amy had volunteered to take one off her hands. I was Four Square against it, but in compromise agreed to visit the kittens.
This co-worker was some sort of hippie/Buddhist/pothead/slacker squatting in an abandoned store in Berkeley. The place looked and smelled as if a port-a-potty had tipped over inside of it. Semi-feral cats were free to roam in and out of broken and boarded-over windows. The urine-soaked carpeting had been ripped up from the floor and left rolled up in piles for the multitude of cats and kittens to play and shit in.
There was something like 13 kittens, all a few weeks old, and amongst them was a tiny grey thing too weak to fend off the others for milk. Fortunately, one of his brothers, who was grey and white, made room for him so he could nurse. Then these two bounced around and played together. This camaraderie was endearing enough to persuade me to agree to adopt both kittens.
When they were eight weeks old, the kittens came to live in our split-level apartment. They had fleas and ear mites, which Amy got rid of with frequent baths and q-tips, both of which the kittens enjoyed very much. While neither kitten was particularly shy, the grey and white one was more suspicious of us. The all grey one liked being tossed around and spanked. I ended up naming them after characters from two of my favorite American black-and-white movies: Boo Radley from To Kill A Mockingbird and Nodody from Dead Man.
I was eking out a living as a drummer at the time, so I spent my days practicing drums in the basement, watching Judge Judy and running around with a light bulb pull-chain which was Nobody’s favorite toy. They would hang around while I practiced, and were eerily unafraid of the noise of my drums.
There was no way we were going to keep these curious cats indoors, but they did seem to quickly understand that they were not to go into the road. I started opening a back window every day so they could come and go as they pleased. Our back yard was full of gopher piles, and Boo was soon bringing critters in and leaving their guts for us to clean up. Amy didn’t like the cats being out after dark, and the cats did not like to come in at night.
Nobody will copy any new thing Boo does to explore what he may have discovered, but they’ve had distinct personalities from day one. Boo’s favorite thing is to climb on top of people when they are in bed, and Boo’s favorite spot was on top of Amy’s head. Nobody’s favorite thing is to be spanked, and he’ll tap you with a paw incessantly until he wins your attention and then sticks his butt in the air. Nobody’s nickname is Tapper. When he gets bored he’ll provoke Boo by poking at his hind legs. Boo sleeps more than Nobody. Boo is more complex than Nobody in that he seems to have a greater spectrum of emotions. Sometimes Boo will get really excited and will adamantly demand affection. At other times he will be aloof. Boo has a more diverse repertoire of sounds and better strategies for getting his point across. He makes an amazing chattering noise at birds.
Boo is more particular about which humans he likes. There are certain people, usually girls, whom he seems to recognize and favor. Nobody will go up to random strangers on the sidewalk, and it’s very cute watching people stop to pet him- except I get nervous somebody’s going to walk off with him. Fortunately, Nobody does not like to be carried. Boo is very protective of Nobody, and has never met another cat he liked. He used to whine whenever he didn’t know where Nobody was, and he still tries to keep an eye on him when Nobody’s outdoors.
When Amy and I broke up, I cried for two days- because I was going to have to live without the cats. This is the truth. In an act of supreme empathy and generosity, and because she was sick of all the crying, Amy offered to let me keep them.
I rented a bedroom in an apartment where I left the window open at all times for the cats to come and go at their leisure. My roommates had four cats, One of the roommates’ cats would piss in a corner of my room, which I successfully remedied by moving the cat box to that spot. A bite from another apartment’s cat resulted in an infection that required Boo to wear a cone on his head for two weeks. He spent that time walking backwards. When our stay in Oakland came to an end and I started packing, Boo ran for it and hid. He delayed the move for 24 hours while I outsmarted him with food to trap him. They did a very good job moving to Portland.
I found a place to live with this condescending prick who Nobody was seemingly fond of, except that he pissed on his bed a few times when we first moved there. I got a cat door and built a wood frame to fit it into my bedroom window. Eventually the thing fell apart. I began dating Rachel, who quickly became Boo’s all-time favorite person (to this day). Seriously, Boo would snuggle with Rachel in the cutest positions ever. She was very fond of my kitties.
Boo and Casey did not get along, perhaps because Boo likes to sprawl out on paper and she likes to read. Casey openly did not like Boo, which I found both startling and annoying, and insisted Boo knew she didn’t like him, but she either thought that notion was absurd or didn’t care. Nobody liked her very much though (exactly why that’s such a fun name), and, while he generally taps people at every instant they are not petting him, he was content to lie beside her and watch her read. Casey liked that Nobody is more like a dog than a cat. My cats are deathly afraid of dogs, by the way.
When we moved cross-country through the desert/south this summer, I crammed them in the back of an SUV and rigged up tubing running from the air-conditioning vents to keep them alive and monitored their temperature with a remote thermometer I bought along the way. Nobody got really sick on the first day and pretty much turned himself inside-out all over the truck. One night we stayed in a motel and they were so disgusting I bathed them twice. I had to keep them shut in the bathroom because otherwise Boo would have crawled and hid in the box springs of the torn-up crappy motel bed, and the poor guy cried and cried in that bathroom pretty much all night. They were pretty miserable during the trip, but recovered quickly.
Both cats always sleep with/on me, and I guess I pretty much let them do whatever they want except scratch on things other than their scratch pad and climb on kitchen counters. I guess they’re kind of annoying- but not nearly as much as most humans. My cats have never lied to me. Whenever I move, someone inevitably asks, “Are you taking the cats with you?” This never ceases to be an incredibly odd question to me. Of course! I fail to fathom what the alternative could be.
Boo rarely goes outside these days; I suspect because he’s sick of dealing with new cats every time he moves. Nobody is just crazy about my brother, and whines at him constantly, which I’d never witnessed before. Both cats have generally been pretty quiet, except when they think they are about to get treated with moist food, which is rarely. They prefer seafood. Which reminds me- I haven’t fed them this morning. I don’t monitor how much they eat but they’ve always stayed skinny. But when Boo gets hungry he eats too fast and throws it back up….
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