Breakfast

Obviously the most important part of breakfast is coffee. I’m partial to espresso, which can be made easily enough in a portable stovetop macchinetta, or moka pot, usually referred to after the most popular brand as a Bialetti. I have three of them. The one thing to know about them is if you overfill the filter with grounds, it will turn out bitter. No, it’s not supposed to be bitter! The other thing to remember is, “boiled coffee is spoiled coffee.”

Coffee labeled as “espresso roast” is basically a marketing tool aimed at stupid people. It just means a dark roast of coffee, in the same sense that espresso brown is a dark brown. There’s no such thing as an espresso bean. Espresso is simply a method of making strong coffee by forcing steam through finely ground coffee beans. Further, dark roast basically means burnt. I prefer medium roast for all my coffee, including espresso.

I went for many years without a coffee grinder. In Portland, I got used to grinding it in the store, but when I left, I found that states in the south and Midwest set their in-store grinders so that even the espresso setting is too coarse of a grind, unless you like weak coffee. I just have the normal old cylindrical-shaped grinder, which works great as long as it’s held and shaken while using. Ground coffee loses its flavor after about a week.

Bottled orange juice has that same bitterness that overripe oranges have. I don’t know how anybody drinks it. If you want orange juice, it is so much better to get oranges and squeeze them instead. Lately, however, I’ve been drinking a fair amount of Spicy V8.

One endearing memory as a kid was being able to pick a grapefruit off the tree in my grandpa’s backyard, cut it up with this bent-tipped, serrated knife and spooning it out. Some people poured sugar on top, but I’ve always preferred things on the sour, tangy side. Grapefruit is as under-rated as a breakfast food as it is over-rated as a cocktail ingredient. It certainly beats the shorts off of all those suger-laden cereals out there. Growing up, my favorite cereal was microwaved Grape-Nuts. I must have been one weird kid. That stuff is disgusting. Today, my favorite breakfast includes bread and runny eggs.

Some people don’t like runny yolks. I can empathize; it is kind of a weird taste. One prop for yolks is that it’s the best source of vitamin D besides the sun. If you insist on scrambling them, you need to beat them with a splash of milk or cream to make them nice and fluffy. I don’t drink milk, but I sometimes purchase heavy cream, and it seems to work better than milk for anything I’d be using it for.

Make sure when purchasing eggs, they are AA Grade (so the yolks are firm) and cage-free (so you can retain some grasp on humanity).

I’ve always been a big fan off Eggs Florentine. It’s like Eggs Benedict except uses spinach instead of bacon. My all-time favorite place to get this was a little breakfast joint near the Berkeley/San Pablo border in the East Bay. The problem with this as a staple for breakfast, besides the fact that it’s pretty rich, is that Hollandaise sauce is a pain to make.

Poached eggs, the other main ingredient in the dish, are NOT difficult, and yet I’ve been so frustrated by them being ruined at restaurant after restaurant that I now kindly inform the server beforehand that if the yolks aren’t runny I will be returning them. Blame it on The Last Detail (1973). Here’s how to poach an egg: fill a saucepan with about 3-4 inches of water, a pinch of salt and a healthy splash of white wine vinegar. Bring to boil and then reduce to just under and keep it there. Don’t break the egg directly into the water. Instead, drop it into a little bowl, glass or coffee mug first (I'll admit, I use an old-fashioned glass). That way, when you add it to the water, instead of a stringy mess all over the place, the albumen will be surrounding the yolk. While cooking, some white frothy-looking stuff might float to the top. If there’s too much, that probably means you didn’t add enough vinegar, but you’ll want to scoop it out before it encourages the water to return to a hard boil. There should be some bubbling and movement going on in the pan. If you’re eggs are just sunk to the bottom of it, turn up the heat! After 3 minutes, the egg will be ready to retrieve with a slotted spoon. Remove excess water before plating. I usually cook two at a time.

The dish I more often make with poached eggs is Huevos Rancheros. Warm a corn tortilla to place under the poached egg, cover the egg with cheddar cheese if you want and top with a sauté of onion, jalapeno, tomato, cilantro (unless you have that genetic trait that makes it taste like soap) and seasonings; in other words, pretty much the same as pico de gallo but not raw. Add avocado slices on top.

Sometimes I’m too lazy for any sautéing. In that case, I’ll just throw some Chulula on the egg. My explanation to restaurant servers who don’t know is that it’s like Tabasco only way better. Tabasco as is far too vinegary. I’ll also settle for Tapatio or Tamazula. If I’m in Portland, I’ll likely use Secret Aardvark sauce instead. I’m not picky. Paprika is also tasty on poached eggs.

Rachel and I went on a breakfast date every Saturday morning for the two years we dated. This experience taught me that there are few to no good breakfast joints in Portland. We returned most to Paradox Café, across from the Tao of Tea (highly recommended) on Belmont.

My favorite breakfast during that time, however, was enjoyed at what I assume, by the fact that they were using writing that looked like what I’ve seen in Ingmar Bergman movies, was a Swedish place. It existed for a very brief time circa 2006 on Clinton St., on that block near 16th where that row of shops are, but it had already closed by the time I tried to visit a second time. Portland sucks like that.

At that restaurant, I ordered something I’d never had before- a soft boiled egg. I did understand the premise, however, which was more than could be said of the table next to us that ordered the same thing then complained that the yolk was runny.

There’s not much difference between a soft-boiled egg and a poached egg, except you can eat the soft-boiled egg right out of the shell. Here’s how it’s done: bring 3-4 inches of water to a boil, then reduce the same as when making a poached egg. Gently place the entire egg into the water with a slotted spoon and set a timer for 5 minutes. If the egg floats, that means it is rotten; throw it out and try again. While in the water, there should be some bubbles coming to the surface from under the egg. Every stove is a little different, so there’s a learning curve of where the dial should be whenever using an unfamiliar one. A smaller egg will cook faster than a bigger one, but between 4 ½ and 5 minutes is the typical time it takes to get the white hard while keeping the yolk runny. Scoop the egg out of the water, set it in a wide-rimmed shot glass (or egg cup if you have one), cross your fingers and slice the top off with a butter knife.

At that restaurant, the soft-boiled egg was served with bread slices, a cheese similar to fontina and a soft block that I didn’t immediately realize wasn’t a soft cheese but butter. Butter is delicious! Especially when it’s room temperature. I use a lot of butter, and have seldom had a problem with a stick of butter in a butter dish on a counter going bad. If it does go bad, it turns dark yellow and slimy. I tend to want things in their most unadulterated form, so that it gives me the most flexibility and control over preparation. For that reason, I prefer unsalted butter. I already own both fine and coarse varieties of sea salt, so I can add it if desired. (Following the same logic, I also insist on peanut butter without added sugar and unflavored tortilla chips.)

I also prefer well-buttered bread to toast, unless I’m for some reason forced to eat that unnaturally square-shaped mushy stuff. It saddens me to see anybody shopping in the mushy bread aisle of a grocery store. Either find a decent bakery or learn how to make bread. My breads of choice are rye and pumpernickel with the occasional sourdough.

Some morning, while eating my poached egg with buttered bread and salted avocado slices on the side, I should take a picture. But there's not much time to waste before piling the egg and avocado on the bread and consuming it- cold soft-boiled eggs are disgusting.