There exists people on this planet, I’d daresay on this selfsame street even, with whom I share literally nothing in common.
It is not at all difficult to imagine a tall, blonde, overweight, unimaginative, uninterested, conservative, religious, dim-witted, gullible, insecure, unhappy, credulous, bullying, patriotic, materialistic, image-conscious, married female who not only procreates but enjoys kids, prefers piss beer to whiskey, cosmopolitans to martinis (or doesn't drink), eats hamburgers and hot dogs with ketchup, can't stand spicy or ethnic foods, loves shopping and crowds and coffee shops, accumulates excessive debt, indulges in pedicures, goes out clubbing and dancing, reads romance novels, listens to pop music, follows football, watches television- especially American comedies, finds fake boobs and excessive make-up attractive, thinks mascots are cute, prefers dogs to cats, hates camping, is racist and homophobic, thinks jazz music is a bunch of racket, finds museums boring, enjoys small talk and fears death.
No, it is not surprising that the exact opposite of me exists, although I have to admit it is a little disturbing that the opposite of me describes about 30% of Americans.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
The Lower Depths
It might seem a pointless exercise to attempt to compare one of the greatest French film directors, Jean Renoir, with of the greatest Japanese film directors, Akira Kurosawa. There are barely a handful of directors in the history of cinema whose names would be worthy to be mentioned alongside these two.
Through some magical twist of fate, both of these geniuses made a movie based upon a play of Russian writer Maxim Gorky, entitled The Lower Depths (1902). Both directors re-wrote the play to adapt it to their respective cultures. It gets better. Renoir’s version stars one of the greatest actors of all time, Jean Gabin, while Kurosawa’s version stars THE greatest actor of all time, Toshiro Mifune. This is EPIC. Ali vs. Frasier. Page vs. Gibson. Montana vs. Marino. Roll film.
Renoir’s The Lower Depths (1936) focuses on Jean Gabin’s character, who is, above all, honest. And a thief. He doesn’t hide the fact that he’s shagging the flophouse landlord’s wife. He also doesn’t hide the fact that he prefers the sister of the landlord’s wife. The single fantastic scene in this movie is when Gabin breaks into the house of a baron who has just gambled away everything he owns and inadvertently interrupts the baron from killing himself. The two become fast friends.
None of the first part of the movie is in Gorky’s play. But then, just when you think this is going to be an intriguing and original movie, the Maxim Gorky play starts. All of a sudden, a bunch of characters are introduced that we don't give a rat’s ass about. We want to watch Gabin teach the baron the ways of a thief. Instead, the baron character withers into the background.
Jean Renoir doesn’t understand being poor. He finds poor people intriguing and tries to romanticize them, but it comes off like some bad Dickens adaptation. Some lady dies and we are left thinking, who cares? Gabin escapes with his preferred girl in the end.
Kurosawa’s The Lower Depths (1957) never leaves the poorhouse. It is about lies. Everybody’s lies. The pain, desperation and stress of being poor, and that it can happen to anyone, is all here. The balance of bickering and comaraderie between a disparate group of close-quartered individuals is perfect. The acting is great all around, and despite the presence of Mifune, there is no main character. Kurosawa is the best there is at handling several actors, all acting independently, onscreen simultaneously. This version of The Lower Depths basically kicks Renoir to the curb. The ending of this movie is beauty beyond sublime, and I’m not giving anything away to say Mifune’s character ends up alone in prison. A definite must-see.
Through some magical twist of fate, both of these geniuses made a movie based upon a play of Russian writer Maxim Gorky, entitled The Lower Depths (1902). Both directors re-wrote the play to adapt it to their respective cultures. It gets better. Renoir’s version stars one of the greatest actors of all time, Jean Gabin, while Kurosawa’s version stars THE greatest actor of all time, Toshiro Mifune. This is EPIC. Ali vs. Frasier. Page vs. Gibson. Montana vs. Marino. Roll film.
Renoir’s The Lower Depths (1936) focuses on Jean Gabin’s character, who is, above all, honest. And a thief. He doesn’t hide the fact that he’s shagging the flophouse landlord’s wife. He also doesn’t hide the fact that he prefers the sister of the landlord’s wife. The single fantastic scene in this movie is when Gabin breaks into the house of a baron who has just gambled away everything he owns and inadvertently interrupts the baron from killing himself. The two become fast friends.
None of the first part of the movie is in Gorky’s play. But then, just when you think this is going to be an intriguing and original movie, the Maxim Gorky play starts. All of a sudden, a bunch of characters are introduced that we don't give a rat’s ass about. We want to watch Gabin teach the baron the ways of a thief. Instead, the baron character withers into the background.
Jean Renoir doesn’t understand being poor. He finds poor people intriguing and tries to romanticize them, but it comes off like some bad Dickens adaptation. Some lady dies and we are left thinking, who cares? Gabin escapes with his preferred girl in the end.
Kurosawa’s The Lower Depths (1957) never leaves the poorhouse. It is about lies. Everybody’s lies. The pain, desperation and stress of being poor, and that it can happen to anyone, is all here. The balance of bickering and comaraderie between a disparate group of close-quartered individuals is perfect. The acting is great all around, and despite the presence of Mifune, there is no main character. Kurosawa is the best there is at handling several actors, all acting independently, onscreen simultaneously. This version of The Lower Depths basically kicks Renoir to the curb. The ending of this movie is beauty beyond sublime, and I’m not giving anything away to say Mifune’s character ends up alone in prison. A definite must-see.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Dancing
Dancing is one of those things I don't AT ALL like to do in public, to the consternation of many. Like yoga, it is specifically designed to humiliate stiff and awkward people like myself. Making an ass of yourself with witnesses just isn't very fun.
It seems the only people that would want to dance are exhibitionists, alpha males and males and females attracted to alpha males. Or perhaps I'm missing the point entirely.
I've gone dancing once or twice and even taken some dance lessons; basically because I can be a sucker for cute girls and will try most things once. But the last time some random girl asked me to dance, at one of those lame-band music festivals, I cooly responded, "I don't dance," before taking a swig from my flask. She quickly left me the hell alone.
Swing dancing is an especially irritating form of exercise. The tango lessons were alright, but I would advise not to take beginner tango lessons with a girl who has been obsessed with dancing her entire life AND has been to Argentina.
I can do a pretty good impression of Pee Wee Herman's dance from Pee Wee's Big Adventure.
It seems the only people that would want to dance are exhibitionists, alpha males and males and females attracted to alpha males. Or perhaps I'm missing the point entirely.
I've gone dancing once or twice and even taken some dance lessons; basically because I can be a sucker for cute girls and will try most things once. But the last time some random girl asked me to dance, at one of those lame-band music festivals, I cooly responded, "I don't dance," before taking a swig from my flask. She quickly left me the hell alone.
Swing dancing is an especially irritating form of exercise. The tango lessons were alright, but I would advise not to take beginner tango lessons with a girl who has been obsessed with dancing her entire life AND has been to Argentina.
I can do a pretty good impression of Pee Wee Herman's dance from Pee Wee's Big Adventure.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Haiti
Surely everybody knows that Haiti, one of the poorest countries in the world, was recently decimated by an earthquake. Natural disasters have been a thorn in the side of those who believe in an all-loving god for millennia. The question arises: “How can a loving god allow bad things?”
First and foremost, I don’t believe in anything being unequivocally good or bad. Sure, a bunch of people were killed and buildings destroyed in Haiti, but the jaded eye also sees an overpopulation fix and job creator.
The idea of an unequivocally good god is extremely problematic. All of the actions of such a being would have to be for the good of all, at least in the long run. This immediately rules out the Christian god, who has threatened to eternally torture those who don’t submit their wills to him, so you’d have to modify it to: the good of all who submit their wills to Him, if you want to defend that particular god. You’d also have to argue that every act of destruction was absolutely necessary in order to bring about the eventual good of all. Of course, even an all-loving god could do bad things as a result of mistakes or failed tests, as he wouldn’t necessarily be all-knowing. (Testing our resolve, etc. in order to teach us would be included in having to be absolutely necessary.) Similarly, he wouldn't necessarily be all-powerful, so events could be out of an all-loving god's control. Finally, you’d have to argue that the end justified the means.
I often hear, “You can’t know good unless you experience bad.” I don’t think anybody who says this has ever been in a natural disaster. This is akin to saying you don’t know hot water until you’ve experienced cold water or something. It just doesn’t apply to the real world. Nobody in the history of the universe has ever said, “I just didn’t realize how great my life was until being raped really put it in perspective.”
I’ve heard that good things “balance” bad things. Natural disasters have no opposite. I suppose the closest you can get would be a miracle, and thousands of people have never been suddenly healed by some naturally occurring happenstance.
Several of my facebook friends posted ways of donating money to Haiti recovery. To demonstrate the conundrum of justifying beliefs in the face of reality, I think it’s worth pointing out that only ONE of my Christian friends even mentioned it, unless you count the pastor who posted, “God is doing big things!” the next day. Two of my facebook friends were part of fundraisers. The Christian radio station fundraiser in Texas raised a ton of money. The comedy club fundraisers in San Francisco’s gay district were also successful.
On a tangential note, I often hear, “My reality has been shattered” as if that’s a negative. Why do people want to hold on to their delusions?
First and foremost, I don’t believe in anything being unequivocally good or bad. Sure, a bunch of people were killed and buildings destroyed in Haiti, but the jaded eye also sees an overpopulation fix and job creator.
The idea of an unequivocally good god is extremely problematic. All of the actions of such a being would have to be for the good of all, at least in the long run. This immediately rules out the Christian god, who has threatened to eternally torture those who don’t submit their wills to him, so you’d have to modify it to: the good of all who submit their wills to Him, if you want to defend that particular god. You’d also have to argue that every act of destruction was absolutely necessary in order to bring about the eventual good of all. Of course, even an all-loving god could do bad things as a result of mistakes or failed tests, as he wouldn’t necessarily be all-knowing. (Testing our resolve, etc. in order to teach us would be included in having to be absolutely necessary.) Similarly, he wouldn't necessarily be all-powerful, so events could be out of an all-loving god's control. Finally, you’d have to argue that the end justified the means.
I often hear, “You can’t know good unless you experience bad.” I don’t think anybody who says this has ever been in a natural disaster. This is akin to saying you don’t know hot water until you’ve experienced cold water or something. It just doesn’t apply to the real world. Nobody in the history of the universe has ever said, “I just didn’t realize how great my life was until being raped really put it in perspective.”
I’ve heard that good things “balance” bad things. Natural disasters have no opposite. I suppose the closest you can get would be a miracle, and thousands of people have never been suddenly healed by some naturally occurring happenstance.
Several of my facebook friends posted ways of donating money to Haiti recovery. To demonstrate the conundrum of justifying beliefs in the face of reality, I think it’s worth pointing out that only ONE of my Christian friends even mentioned it, unless you count the pastor who posted, “God is doing big things!” the next day. Two of my facebook friends were part of fundraisers. The Christian radio station fundraiser in Texas raised a ton of money. The comedy club fundraisers in San Francisco’s gay district were also successful.
On a tangential note, I often hear, “My reality has been shattered” as if that’s a negative. Why do people want to hold on to their delusions?
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Estate Sale Sundays
A few years back, I decided to start a blog. The idea came to me while driving around on a Saturday while doing what I call garage-sale hopping. This is when you drive around a neighborhood chasing garage sale signs. It is a mostly futile endeavor, but somehow satisfying nonetheless. I thought it might be funny to write about these weekend exploits. But that never happened.
Even better than garage sales are estate sales. I have a morbid curiosity in seeing what people spent their lives collecting. Mostly Christmas decorations, it turns out. On Sundays, most estate sales sell everything half price. Today, like most Sunday mornings, I went to http://www.estatesale-finder.com/ to see what was going on. There turned out to be several estate sales happening very near to each other, so I wrote down addresses, numbered them according to the route I’d take, and set out in my pickup. Five estate sales and three garage sales later I had scored one full but opened vintage bottle of Trader Vic’s Pomegranate Grenadine Syrup with the classic pin-up girl label for $1.75.
Score! I don’t know exactly what year it’s from or if it’ll still be any good, but who cares? This particular grenadine isn't supposed to be any good anyway.
At one estate sale, I witnessed a girl picking up a Boston shaker and saying, "We should get one of these!" The reply? "What is that?" Wow; different strokes....
My route led me past Village Merchants, on SE Division and 34th, so I stopped there, too. I always hope they’ll have these specific chairs I’ve been searching for. Turns out they had two short stemmed cocktail glasses that match a pair I already own for $1.50 apiece.
These are “double” cocktail glasses that hold more than the 6 ounce capacity of a normal cocktail glass. They come in handy if the recipe calls for more than 4 ounces of ingredients plus (melted) ice. I like short-stemmed glasses because they fit in the door of the freezer, so I can serve cocktails in properly chilled glasses. Don’t get those cocktail glasses with balls instead of stems. I bought four and broke all of them within six months.
After rolling my eyes at a garage sale with some old guy trying to sell bulk Costco goods, I couldn’t resist the urge to go to my favorite Goodwill, in southeast on 7th near Division. I almost immediately found yet another Glencairn scotch glass!
These sell for $20 new or 99 cents at Goodwill. I spent probably 30 minutes scouring through the enormous glassware section hoping to find a mate with no luck. I have seven of these now, five of which were purchased from Goodwill. I’ll admit that only the two I purchased new are crystal. I passed on a nice crystal tasting copita that they wanted $1.99 for. I already have four of them that I never use.
One thing you learn when you’ve been to Goodwill as many times as I have is that they don’t know the difference between a whiskey snifter and a candle holder. Sure enough, I found a round-bottom chimney-shaped glass in with the votives that is a mate for one I found at another Goodwill several months ago. It was also 99 cents.
I actually haven’t used this style of glass yet, but I have become rather fond of the round-bottom glasses, both because you can keep your whiskey stirred while on a table and because they freak everyone out. (In case you’re interested, there are currently two round-bottom old-fashioned glasses in with the votives at the Lombard Goodwill by my place.) You’d have to be suicidal to put a candle in a round-bottom glass.
Similarly, Goodwill employees often put decanters in with vases. I found a very nice wine decanter today, but passed on it because I already have one and am holding out for a Riedel.
At the same Goodwill, I also found a never been used, still in the box ice shaver for $4.99. I’ve been wanting one for making mint juleps in the summer, but usually you find kid ones in the shapes of annoying Disney or Peanuts characters, and you can’t remove the blade to clean or sharpen it.
Well, that’s it. I spent 4 hours and $11.72 shopping today and didn’t get anything that wasn’t alcohol related.
Even better than garage sales are estate sales. I have a morbid curiosity in seeing what people spent their lives collecting. Mostly Christmas decorations, it turns out. On Sundays, most estate sales sell everything half price. Today, like most Sunday mornings, I went to http://www.estatesale-finder.com/ to see what was going on. There turned out to be several estate sales happening very near to each other, so I wrote down addresses, numbered them according to the route I’d take, and set out in my pickup. Five estate sales and three garage sales later I had scored one full but opened vintage bottle of Trader Vic’s Pomegranate Grenadine Syrup with the classic pin-up girl label for $1.75.
Score! I don’t know exactly what year it’s from or if it’ll still be any good, but who cares? This particular grenadine isn't supposed to be any good anyway.
At one estate sale, I witnessed a girl picking up a Boston shaker and saying, "We should get one of these!" The reply? "What is that?" Wow; different strokes....
My route led me past Village Merchants, on SE Division and 34th, so I stopped there, too. I always hope they’ll have these specific chairs I’ve been searching for. Turns out they had two short stemmed cocktail glasses that match a pair I already own for $1.50 apiece.
These are “double” cocktail glasses that hold more than the 6 ounce capacity of a normal cocktail glass. They come in handy if the recipe calls for more than 4 ounces of ingredients plus (melted) ice. I like short-stemmed glasses because they fit in the door of the freezer, so I can serve cocktails in properly chilled glasses. Don’t get those cocktail glasses with balls instead of stems. I bought four and broke all of them within six months.
After rolling my eyes at a garage sale with some old guy trying to sell bulk Costco goods, I couldn’t resist the urge to go to my favorite Goodwill, in southeast on 7th near Division. I almost immediately found yet another Glencairn scotch glass!
These sell for $20 new or 99 cents at Goodwill. I spent probably 30 minutes scouring through the enormous glassware section hoping to find a mate with no luck. I have seven of these now, five of which were purchased from Goodwill. I’ll admit that only the two I purchased new are crystal. I passed on a nice crystal tasting copita that they wanted $1.99 for. I already have four of them that I never use.
One thing you learn when you’ve been to Goodwill as many times as I have is that they don’t know the difference between a whiskey snifter and a candle holder. Sure enough, I found a round-bottom chimney-shaped glass in with the votives that is a mate for one I found at another Goodwill several months ago. It was also 99 cents.
I actually haven’t used this style of glass yet, but I have become rather fond of the round-bottom glasses, both because you can keep your whiskey stirred while on a table and because they freak everyone out. (In case you’re interested, there are currently two round-bottom old-fashioned glasses in with the votives at the Lombard Goodwill by my place.) You’d have to be suicidal to put a candle in a round-bottom glass.
Similarly, Goodwill employees often put decanters in with vases. I found a very nice wine decanter today, but passed on it because I already have one and am holding out for a Riedel.
At the same Goodwill, I also found a never been used, still in the box ice shaver for $4.99. I’ve been wanting one for making mint juleps in the summer, but usually you find kid ones in the shapes of annoying Disney or Peanuts characters, and you can’t remove the blade to clean or sharpen it.
Well, that’s it. I spent 4 hours and $11.72 shopping today and didn’t get anything that wasn’t alcohol related.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Balance
Last night, while talking with Ann and Sandy, I suggested the following: “The consensus is that I talk too much and she doesn’t talk enough.” This was met with the inevitable response: “Maybe you could help each other find a balance.” My reaction: “Screw that! I like being extreme. We don’t want balance.” And with that, I punched Aristotle right in the face.
Granted; balance is not as overrated as peace. It has its place; in a cocktail, for example. I suppose you could say I enjoy balance in moderation. But consider how boring “balance” generally is. Symmetry, average, repetition. It’s immediately obvious that most people desire and even depend on these things. Comfort is another similarly categorized idea that others venerate. Contrarily, my passion is serendipitously finding something I love and then exploring it by obsessing over all the unfamiliar it contains. I tend to love that which is anomalous, inexplicable or even shocking. I don’t rest on laurels or seek comfort. I’m far too impatient and curious to ever be idle.
Others like to preach about bad balancing good or whatnot. I don’t even believe in unequivocal goodness or badness, let alone that they could somehow neutralize each other. I appreciate the difficult times because they give me the most to learn from; not because they somehow balance out the most enjoyable times. That argument is absurd enough that I’ll plan on devoting another blog post to it soon.
Compromise has its place, but I don’t think it should be demanded or expected. It would be a tragedy for anyone to get their way all of the time and miss out on all the unknown and unexpected life has to offer. I enjoy surprising myself by participating in adventures that I wouldn’t have chosen to do if it were only up to me. But I’m not going to continue to do things I don’t enjoy or disregard my own opinion. I’m not going to water myself down in an attempt to become more palatable to others. I refuse to go out of my way to convince anyone to like me. I don’t want others to dislike me, either. I’m just not going to pretend to agree or passively participate in anything. I won’t rely on someone else to form my opinions. I’ve observed that most tip-toe through life too afraid to even try to form their own opinions.
Most seem to either want to change you or want you to change them. I’m not like most. I much prefer being whoever and whatever I feel like being and letting others do the same. I expect little other than honesty. My love is unconditional, and has no balance whatsoever. Love might be the willingness to do anything for another and, in return, expecting only to be allowed to express that love. Extreme.
Granted; balance is not as overrated as peace. It has its place; in a cocktail, for example. I suppose you could say I enjoy balance in moderation. But consider how boring “balance” generally is. Symmetry, average, repetition. It’s immediately obvious that most people desire and even depend on these things. Comfort is another similarly categorized idea that others venerate. Contrarily, my passion is serendipitously finding something I love and then exploring it by obsessing over all the unfamiliar it contains. I tend to love that which is anomalous, inexplicable or even shocking. I don’t rest on laurels or seek comfort. I’m far too impatient and curious to ever be idle.
Others like to preach about bad balancing good or whatnot. I don’t even believe in unequivocal goodness or badness, let alone that they could somehow neutralize each other. I appreciate the difficult times because they give me the most to learn from; not because they somehow balance out the most enjoyable times. That argument is absurd enough that I’ll plan on devoting another blog post to it soon.
Compromise has its place, but I don’t think it should be demanded or expected. It would be a tragedy for anyone to get their way all of the time and miss out on all the unknown and unexpected life has to offer. I enjoy surprising myself by participating in adventures that I wouldn’t have chosen to do if it were only up to me. But I’m not going to continue to do things I don’t enjoy or disregard my own opinion. I’m not going to water myself down in an attempt to become more palatable to others. I refuse to go out of my way to convince anyone to like me. I don’t want others to dislike me, either. I’m just not going to pretend to agree or passively participate in anything. I won’t rely on someone else to form my opinions. I’ve observed that most tip-toe through life too afraid to even try to form their own opinions.
Most seem to either want to change you or want you to change them. I’m not like most. I much prefer being whoever and whatever I feel like being and letting others do the same. I expect little other than honesty. My love is unconditional, and has no balance whatsoever. Love might be the willingness to do anything for another and, in return, expecting only to be allowed to express that love. Extreme.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Cocktails Continued
My explorations into cocktails and single malt Scotch whisky continue. While I have dedicated another blog to the latter, I feel like in order to keep it un-muddied I should discuss cocktails on this one. Maybe that’s a mistake since people interested in alcoholic beverages will be more likely to be reading the other one. Blog writing conundrum!
Today we call pretty much any mixed drink a cocktail, although we tend to think of cocktails as drinks served up (the ice is strained) in a cocktail glass. This wasn’t always the case. A cocktail used to refer only to a mixed drink containing a spirit, sugar, bitters and water (ice) served up in cocktail glass. Besides cocktails, there are also avenues, brambles, bucks, collins, crustas, cups, daisies, fancies, fixes, fizzes, flips, highballs, pousse cafés, rickeys, shrubs, slings, sours, swizzles, toddies and who knows what else. You should at least understand what a pousse café, highball and toddy is, although frankly the only point of a pousse café is that it’s pretty. (You are currently on the internet; do I really need to teach you everything?)
In the past year, I have delved more thoroughly into Italian, or sweet, vermouth, which, in my last post on this topic, I assumed was pretty much gross unless used appropriately as a mixer. Currently, perhaps the only remaining must-try in this category is the highly-touted Carpano Antica. Interestingly, it is made by the same people who make the Italian vermouth I have settled upon: Punt E Mes. There are those that will immediately question whether Punt E Mes can be called sweet vermouth. Honestly, I don’t know what entails qualifying as “sweet vermouth,” but Punt E Mes is vermouth from Italy that tastes like other sweet vermouths, only a bit more savory. Incidentally, I also include red Dubonnet in the vermouth category, although a not very good one. Yves is another excellent sweet vermouth.
I still stand by Noilly Pratt as THE French, or dry, vermouth, readily acknowledging that I biasedly consider it to be what dry vermouth SHOULD taste like. Remember to keep vermouth refrigerated.
I’ve explored some more cherry liqueurs, and Clear Creek’s kirshwasser is yummy and bounding with cocktail potential. Luxardo’s maraschino liqueur is a must have, irregardless of the obnoxious tall bottle wrapped in straw. At this point, I kind of think Cherry Heering is gross. Although my current bottle is nearly empty, I doubt I’ll buy another.
I am not afraid of flips, or cocktails made with egg, although I’m convinced that any recipe calling for egg yolk is simply a joke or a dare. I tried one- disgusting. Albumen (egg white for the Neanderthals), however, can add a delicious froth to a drink. Always use a small egg or it’ll overwhelm. (I might be the only person in the grocery store who picks through looking for the smallest eggs.) My favorite flip is the Ramos Fizz (recipe below), but other excellent flips include the Pisco Sour, Flying High, St. Germain (different from the liqueur), the original Pink Lady and Million Dollar cocktails.
The point of cocktails, as far as I’m concerned, is to create a gestalt, whereby the sum of the ingredients is totally different from any of the ingredients themselves. This requires a perfect balance where one ingredient does not overwhelm the others. Otherwise the cocktail will end up tasting the same as drinking one ingredient straight. For this reason, one must become familiar with what each ingredient tastes like. Most people have no idea even what gin tastes like.
Fernet Branca and St. Germain are two excellent liqueurs that can be overpowering. The former is mint-y and the latter is flower-y. As with Benedictine and absinthe, you want to cut way back on what most recipes call for, even so far as to simply rinse the glass with them and pour out any excess. People will do this with vermouth too, but vermouth has more subtlety to it and gets lost if you use too little. I suspect most people use crappy vermouth and therefore bury it on purpose.
Up until last week, they didn’t sell an apricot brandy in Portland. After requesting it at Pearl Specialty Market & Spirits at the base of the Broadway bridge on NW Lovejoy (the best place in this town to find liqueurs and also the only liquor store open on Sundays) they got in some Marie Brizzard’s Apry. This is one of many reasons why I can’t stand the liquor store I live across the street from- they scoff at me when I request a product. Too bad for them, considering I’ve been spending thousands a year at other liquor stores. Anyway, my initial reaction is that it is intensely sweet! I’ll have to expound later.
I’ve also recently tried a bunch of tonics, and my favorite is made by Fever-Tree. I still want to learn to make my own. I was disappointed in the tonic made by Stirrings. In fact, the only thing that company makes that’s any good in their grenadine.
Fee Brothers is another disappointing modern company making a variety of lackluster bitters. A German company called The Bitter Truth is the one whose products everyone raves about, but you can’t get it in Oregon. I’ll have to figure out how to buy their stuff online.
Fruit and citrus juices are often nice to have in a cocktail, not only because of the obvious flavor, but also because they act to dilute the drink. Toward the end of the night, I definitely lean toward cocktails with more juice. Always remember that some cocktails are alcohol+alcohol+alcohol. That little bottle of Angostura bitters is 44.7% alcohol/volume. Fancy citrus like meyer lemons and key limes are worthless for cocktail making. I need not reiterate- use fresh-squeezed! I recently spent a week dedicated exclusively to grapefruit and concluded it only works with vodka and in highballs. Pineapple juice (which I don’t squeeze but use 100% juice not from concentrate) is much more versatile.
I want a SodaStream soda machine in hopes that it’ll change my negative opinion of carbonated beverages. But it’s $80.
A personal bias: don’t eat the garnish. It is meant to subtlety enhance the flavor of the drink. This is sometimes psychological; that’s the reason for a celery stalk in a Bloody Mary. The lime wheel on the Doralto described below works the same. Once you understand that the drink has a celery flavor (from the celery salt in the case of the former) or a lime flavor (but no actual lime in the case of the latter), et cetera, I say it’s fine to forego this type of garnish altogether.
One author in a book supposedly about cocktails announced that he had never figured out what a "twist" was, but concluded it didn't matter as it didn't affect the drink. He could not be further from the truth. A citrus twist is added by cutting a long swath of rind, holding the colored side down (pulp side up) over the glass and breaking it in half, spraying rind zest onto the drink. The rind slice is then discarded.
I’ve possibly tried thousands of cocktails, and have found that most of them suck. Also, most books on the subject are total bullshit. I could fill a blog of ignorant stuff I’ve read from them. I whole-heartedly believe the ingredient ratios of most cocktail books have been sabotaged so that the bartender’s drink remains better than the one you make at home. I am pretty good at spotting the flaws and fixing them before I make a drink. Recipes tend to default to equal parts; however I can’t think of ANY cocktail that actually should be equal parts. If that is what the recipe calls for, I assume the author has never made it or else has something to hide, which is better than taking their word for it and tasting something terrible. Another tell-tale sign they‘ve never tried it is if the author’s description of the drink is nothing but a pun on the name. Another funny thing about cocktail recipe books: sweeter drinks meant for the feminine persuasion are often measured relative to the pony (1 oz) while “stronger” drinks are measured relative to the jigger (1.5 oz).
Fortunately the best cocktail book I’ve discovered is also one of the first I came across, Vintage Spirits and Forgotten Cocktails. Two classic and sometimes useful cocktail books written for bartenders are The Savoy Cocktail Book and Patrick Gavin Duffy’s The Standard Bartender’s Guide. The website CocktailDB.com is a useful resource.
Also, contrary to what everyone tells you, most liqueurs are not worth buying. In order to save you thousands of dollars and a few headaches, I’ll let you know my top ten favorite cocktails, replete with my preferred brands and perfected ratios.
1) Widow’s Kiss
This is probably my favorite cocktail, but I have a bias toward green chartreuse. I’ve described the Widow’s Kiss as an amusing horror-story in liquid form.
2 oz Laird’s applejack
¾ oz green chartreuse
1 tsp Benedictine
2 dashes Angostura bitters
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
Garnish with dark cherry
2) Pink Gin
Probably the cocktail I drink the most, in part because it’s easy to make but mostly because it is awesome. I get panicky when my Plymouth gin gets low, as this cocktail cannot be made without it.
3 oz Plymouth gin
½ tsp + 1 dash Angostura bitters
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
3) Roll’s Royce
Tastes like fermented oranges, which makes me want to ferment oranges.
1.5 oz Hennessy
¾ oz fresh-squeezed orange juice
¾ oz Cointreau
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
Garnish with proper orange twist
4) Doralto
Refreshing and delicious. Easily my favorite tequila drink (the margarita ranks third).
1.5 oz 1800 Reposado tequila
1 oz fresh-squeezed lemon juice
1 tsp sugar (1 sugar cube)
1 dash Angostura bitters
Shake with cracked ice; strain into old-fashioned glass 2/3 filled with ice. Top with tonic water.
Garnish with lime wheel
5) Martini
3 oz London dry gin
½-¾ oz Noilly Pratt dry vermouth
Stirred with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass.
Garnish with proper lemon twist (to bring out gin) or olive (to bring out vermouth).
My favorite gin for martinis might be Tanqueray Ten, although I’ve taken to only purchasing Plymouth and Boodles gin recently. I can’t stand the likes of Hendricks or Bombay sapphire. Shaking this drink makes it cloudy and waters it down too much (unless you are employed as a spy, apparently). No dirty (adding more than one olive or olive juice) martinis or kangaroos (vodka-tinis)! They are both disgusting.
6) Honeymoon
This drink tastes like honey, although that’s not an ingredient. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t love this beverage.
1.5 oz Boulard Calvados or Laird’s applejack. (The latter is much cheaper and more versatile in cocktails, although the former tastes better straight, has more complexity and might work a little better in this drink.)
½ oz fresh-squeezed lemon juice
2 tsp Cointreau
1 tsp Benedictine
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
7) Pegu Club
This could be considered a variation on a margarita. I’m surprised it’s not more popular.
1.5 oz Boodles gin
¾ oz Cointreau
¾ oz fresh-squeezed lime juice
1½ dashes Angostura bitters
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
8) Vesper
This recipe is detailed in the first James Bond novel, Casino Royale. After he’s betrayed by the heroine and the drink’s namesake (sorry to spoil the ending), he vows to never drink one again. A shame, especially considering he went on to help popularize the ruination of the martini.
1.5 oz Boodles gin
1 oz Stoli vodka
½ oz Lillet Blanc
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
Garnish with proper lemon twist
9) Ramos Fizz
The only drink I’ve found with so many ingredients that still works. Beyond that; it’s fabulous and well worth the effort. The best compliment to Thai food ever! This is a generously proportioned drink and will only fit into a large or Boston shaker.
2 oz Boodles gin
1 egg white
½ oz lime juice
½ oz lemon juice
½ oz cream
2 dashes orange-flower water
1 tsp sugar
Shake VIGOROUSLY with cracked ice for several minutes; strain into old-fashioned glass
Add splash of soda
Garnish with mint sprig
10) 20th Century
This is a dessert-style drink. It is delicately balanced, and if all the ratios aren’t exact it falls apart. But when it’s right, it creates a curious complexity that seems to unravel layer by layer in your mouth.
1.5 oz Boodles gin
¾ oz Lillet Blanc
¾ oz fresh-squeezed lemon juice
1 tsp crème de cacao
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
Garnish with proper lemon twist
Honorable Mention: Hot Toddy
It seems most don’t even know what a toddy is, which makes me wonder what people are drinking all winter. The classic whiskey toddy is: 1.5 oz bourbon (I use Weller’s Reserve), lemon wheel studded with cloves and 1 teaspoon honey topped with hot water. To this I add 1 dash Angostura bitters and 1 teaspoon Cointreau.
Honorable Mention: Sidecar
This is a great drink that the Rolls Royce surely derived from.
1.5 oz Hennessy
¾ oz Cointreau
¾ oz fresh-squeezed lemon juice
Shake with cracked ice; strain into sugar-coated cocktail glass
Garnish with proper lemon twist
Honorable Mention: Maiden’s Prayer
Another drink, like the Pegu Club and Sidecar, that follows the margarita thread. (Margarita: 1.5 ounce 1800 reposado tequila, ¾ ounce Cointreau, ¾ ounce fresh-squeezed lime juice; shaken and strained into salt-rimmed cocktail glass.)
1.5 ounce Boodles gin
1.5 ounce Cointreau
¾ oz fresh-squeezed lemon juice
¾ oz fresh-squeezed orange juice
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
This cocktail list is in no way comprehensive. Duh.
Today we call pretty much any mixed drink a cocktail, although we tend to think of cocktails as drinks served up (the ice is strained) in a cocktail glass. This wasn’t always the case. A cocktail used to refer only to a mixed drink containing a spirit, sugar, bitters and water (ice) served up in cocktail glass. Besides cocktails, there are also avenues, brambles, bucks, collins, crustas, cups, daisies, fancies, fixes, fizzes, flips, highballs, pousse cafés, rickeys, shrubs, slings, sours, swizzles, toddies and who knows what else. You should at least understand what a pousse café, highball and toddy is, although frankly the only point of a pousse café is that it’s pretty. (You are currently on the internet; do I really need to teach you everything?)
In the past year, I have delved more thoroughly into Italian, or sweet, vermouth, which, in my last post on this topic, I assumed was pretty much gross unless used appropriately as a mixer. Currently, perhaps the only remaining must-try in this category is the highly-touted Carpano Antica. Interestingly, it is made by the same people who make the Italian vermouth I have settled upon: Punt E Mes. There are those that will immediately question whether Punt E Mes can be called sweet vermouth. Honestly, I don’t know what entails qualifying as “sweet vermouth,” but Punt E Mes is vermouth from Italy that tastes like other sweet vermouths, only a bit more savory. Incidentally, I also include red Dubonnet in the vermouth category, although a not very good one. Yves is another excellent sweet vermouth.
I still stand by Noilly Pratt as THE French, or dry, vermouth, readily acknowledging that I biasedly consider it to be what dry vermouth SHOULD taste like. Remember to keep vermouth refrigerated.
I’ve explored some more cherry liqueurs, and Clear Creek’s kirshwasser is yummy and bounding with cocktail potential. Luxardo’s maraschino liqueur is a must have, irregardless of the obnoxious tall bottle wrapped in straw. At this point, I kind of think Cherry Heering is gross. Although my current bottle is nearly empty, I doubt I’ll buy another.
I am not afraid of flips, or cocktails made with egg, although I’m convinced that any recipe calling for egg yolk is simply a joke or a dare. I tried one- disgusting. Albumen (egg white for the Neanderthals), however, can add a delicious froth to a drink. Always use a small egg or it’ll overwhelm. (I might be the only person in the grocery store who picks through looking for the smallest eggs.) My favorite flip is the Ramos Fizz (recipe below), but other excellent flips include the Pisco Sour, Flying High, St. Germain (different from the liqueur), the original Pink Lady and Million Dollar cocktails.
The point of cocktails, as far as I’m concerned, is to create a gestalt, whereby the sum of the ingredients is totally different from any of the ingredients themselves. This requires a perfect balance where one ingredient does not overwhelm the others. Otherwise the cocktail will end up tasting the same as drinking one ingredient straight. For this reason, one must become familiar with what each ingredient tastes like. Most people have no idea even what gin tastes like.
Fernet Branca and St. Germain are two excellent liqueurs that can be overpowering. The former is mint-y and the latter is flower-y. As with Benedictine and absinthe, you want to cut way back on what most recipes call for, even so far as to simply rinse the glass with them and pour out any excess. People will do this with vermouth too, but vermouth has more subtlety to it and gets lost if you use too little. I suspect most people use crappy vermouth and therefore bury it on purpose.
Up until last week, they didn’t sell an apricot brandy in Portland. After requesting it at Pearl Specialty Market & Spirits at the base of the Broadway bridge on NW Lovejoy (the best place in this town to find liqueurs and also the only liquor store open on Sundays) they got in some Marie Brizzard’s Apry. This is one of many reasons why I can’t stand the liquor store I live across the street from- they scoff at me when I request a product. Too bad for them, considering I’ve been spending thousands a year at other liquor stores. Anyway, my initial reaction is that it is intensely sweet! I’ll have to expound later.
I’ve also recently tried a bunch of tonics, and my favorite is made by Fever-Tree. I still want to learn to make my own. I was disappointed in the tonic made by Stirrings. In fact, the only thing that company makes that’s any good in their grenadine.
Fee Brothers is another disappointing modern company making a variety of lackluster bitters. A German company called The Bitter Truth is the one whose products everyone raves about, but you can’t get it in Oregon. I’ll have to figure out how to buy their stuff online.
Fruit and citrus juices are often nice to have in a cocktail, not only because of the obvious flavor, but also because they act to dilute the drink. Toward the end of the night, I definitely lean toward cocktails with more juice. Always remember that some cocktails are alcohol+alcohol+alcohol. That little bottle of Angostura bitters is 44.7% alcohol/volume. Fancy citrus like meyer lemons and key limes are worthless for cocktail making. I need not reiterate- use fresh-squeezed! I recently spent a week dedicated exclusively to grapefruit and concluded it only works with vodka and in highballs. Pineapple juice (which I don’t squeeze but use 100% juice not from concentrate) is much more versatile.
I want a SodaStream soda machine in hopes that it’ll change my negative opinion of carbonated beverages. But it’s $80.
A personal bias: don’t eat the garnish. It is meant to subtlety enhance the flavor of the drink. This is sometimes psychological; that’s the reason for a celery stalk in a Bloody Mary. The lime wheel on the Doralto described below works the same. Once you understand that the drink has a celery flavor (from the celery salt in the case of the former) or a lime flavor (but no actual lime in the case of the latter), et cetera, I say it’s fine to forego this type of garnish altogether.
One author in a book supposedly about cocktails announced that he had never figured out what a "twist" was, but concluded it didn't matter as it didn't affect the drink. He could not be further from the truth. A citrus twist is added by cutting a long swath of rind, holding the colored side down (pulp side up) over the glass and breaking it in half, spraying rind zest onto the drink. The rind slice is then discarded.
I’ve possibly tried thousands of cocktails, and have found that most of them suck. Also, most books on the subject are total bullshit. I could fill a blog of ignorant stuff I’ve read from them. I whole-heartedly believe the ingredient ratios of most cocktail books have been sabotaged so that the bartender’s drink remains better than the one you make at home. I am pretty good at spotting the flaws and fixing them before I make a drink. Recipes tend to default to equal parts; however I can’t think of ANY cocktail that actually should be equal parts. If that is what the recipe calls for, I assume the author has never made it or else has something to hide, which is better than taking their word for it and tasting something terrible. Another tell-tale sign they‘ve never tried it is if the author’s description of the drink is nothing but a pun on the name. Another funny thing about cocktail recipe books: sweeter drinks meant for the feminine persuasion are often measured relative to the pony (1 oz) while “stronger” drinks are measured relative to the jigger (1.5 oz).
Fortunately the best cocktail book I’ve discovered is also one of the first I came across, Vintage Spirits and Forgotten Cocktails. Two classic and sometimes useful cocktail books written for bartenders are The Savoy Cocktail Book and Patrick Gavin Duffy’s The Standard Bartender’s Guide. The website CocktailDB.com is a useful resource.
Also, contrary to what everyone tells you, most liqueurs are not worth buying. In order to save you thousands of dollars and a few headaches, I’ll let you know my top ten favorite cocktails, replete with my preferred brands and perfected ratios.
1) Widow’s Kiss
This is probably my favorite cocktail, but I have a bias toward green chartreuse. I’ve described the Widow’s Kiss as an amusing horror-story in liquid form.
2 oz Laird’s applejack
¾ oz green chartreuse
1 tsp Benedictine
2 dashes Angostura bitters
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
Garnish with dark cherry
2) Pink Gin
Probably the cocktail I drink the most, in part because it’s easy to make but mostly because it is awesome. I get panicky when my Plymouth gin gets low, as this cocktail cannot be made without it.
3 oz Plymouth gin
½ tsp + 1 dash Angostura bitters
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
3) Roll’s Royce
Tastes like fermented oranges, which makes me want to ferment oranges.
1.5 oz Hennessy
¾ oz fresh-squeezed orange juice
¾ oz Cointreau
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
Garnish with proper orange twist
4) Doralto
Refreshing and delicious. Easily my favorite tequila drink (the margarita ranks third).
1.5 oz 1800 Reposado tequila
1 oz fresh-squeezed lemon juice
1 tsp sugar (1 sugar cube)
1 dash Angostura bitters
Shake with cracked ice; strain into old-fashioned glass 2/3 filled with ice. Top with tonic water.
Garnish with lime wheel
5) Martini
3 oz London dry gin
½-¾ oz Noilly Pratt dry vermouth
Stirred with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass.
Garnish with proper lemon twist (to bring out gin) or olive (to bring out vermouth).
My favorite gin for martinis might be Tanqueray Ten, although I’ve taken to only purchasing Plymouth and Boodles gin recently. I can’t stand the likes of Hendricks or Bombay sapphire. Shaking this drink makes it cloudy and waters it down too much (unless you are employed as a spy, apparently). No dirty (adding more than one olive or olive juice) martinis or kangaroos (vodka-tinis)! They are both disgusting.
6) Honeymoon
This drink tastes like honey, although that’s not an ingredient. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t love this beverage.
1.5 oz Boulard Calvados or Laird’s applejack. (The latter is much cheaper and more versatile in cocktails, although the former tastes better straight, has more complexity and might work a little better in this drink.)
½ oz fresh-squeezed lemon juice
2 tsp Cointreau
1 tsp Benedictine
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
7) Pegu Club
This could be considered a variation on a margarita. I’m surprised it’s not more popular.
1.5 oz Boodles gin
¾ oz Cointreau
¾ oz fresh-squeezed lime juice
1½ dashes Angostura bitters
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
8) Vesper
This recipe is detailed in the first James Bond novel, Casino Royale. After he’s betrayed by the heroine and the drink’s namesake (sorry to spoil the ending), he vows to never drink one again. A shame, especially considering he went on to help popularize the ruination of the martini.
1.5 oz Boodles gin
1 oz Stoli vodka
½ oz Lillet Blanc
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
Garnish with proper lemon twist
9) Ramos Fizz
The only drink I’ve found with so many ingredients that still works. Beyond that; it’s fabulous and well worth the effort. The best compliment to Thai food ever! This is a generously proportioned drink and will only fit into a large or Boston shaker.
2 oz Boodles gin
1 egg white
½ oz lime juice
½ oz lemon juice
½ oz cream
2 dashes orange-flower water
1 tsp sugar
Shake VIGOROUSLY with cracked ice for several minutes; strain into old-fashioned glass
Add splash of soda
Garnish with mint sprig
10) 20th Century
This is a dessert-style drink. It is delicately balanced, and if all the ratios aren’t exact it falls apart. But when it’s right, it creates a curious complexity that seems to unravel layer by layer in your mouth.
1.5 oz Boodles gin
¾ oz Lillet Blanc
¾ oz fresh-squeezed lemon juice
1 tsp crème de cacao
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
Garnish with proper lemon twist
Honorable Mention: Hot Toddy
It seems most don’t even know what a toddy is, which makes me wonder what people are drinking all winter. The classic whiskey toddy is: 1.5 oz bourbon (I use Weller’s Reserve), lemon wheel studded with cloves and 1 teaspoon honey topped with hot water. To this I add 1 dash Angostura bitters and 1 teaspoon Cointreau.
Honorable Mention: Sidecar
This is a great drink that the Rolls Royce surely derived from.
1.5 oz Hennessy
¾ oz Cointreau
¾ oz fresh-squeezed lemon juice
Shake with cracked ice; strain into sugar-coated cocktail glass
Garnish with proper lemon twist
Honorable Mention: Maiden’s Prayer
Another drink, like the Pegu Club and Sidecar, that follows the margarita thread. (Margarita: 1.5 ounce 1800 reposado tequila, ¾ ounce Cointreau, ¾ ounce fresh-squeezed lime juice; shaken and strained into salt-rimmed cocktail glass.)
1.5 ounce Boodles gin
1.5 ounce Cointreau
¾ oz fresh-squeezed lemon juice
¾ oz fresh-squeezed orange juice
Shake with cracked ice; strain into cocktail glass
This cocktail list is in no way comprehensive. Duh.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Alone
Most might not fathom or realize that I spend nearly 90% of my time alone. I work alone, live alone, sleep alone, eat alone, entertain alone, etc. I don’t intend this as a complaint; I mean it as a frame of reference regarding my state of existence, not my quality of being. I enjoy having alone time. Recently, on yet another occasion when someone was chastising me for belittling Christianity, it was stated that I must be miserable to be so bitter or whatever. (My major qualm with Christianity, besides the sheer ludicrousness of the religion itself, is that it wrecks havoc on American political decisions.) I replied that I live a very happy life. The person responded, “I doubt it.” What kind of screwed-up reaction is that? On the contrary, I am impervious to the depression that seems to haunt most people.
My solitude is somewhat by choice and somewhat imposed. I will admit I sometimes get paranoid that everybody is ignoring me when in actually they are just busy or whatnot. I forget that others have commitments and such. Also, most of the people I’d spend time with don’t live nearby. Almost everyone in Portland hibernates for the winter, anyway. Seriously.
Most people annoy me. They’re not nearly as interesting as they esteem themselves to be. I don’t have a lot in common with the masses. Never have. Further, I don’t pretend to, which really pisses some off. I find small-talk mostly boring. I find polite conversation mostly boring. I lack the ability to mutely ignore ignorant or disagreeable comments. I can be especially abrasive to those who don’t know me, and my friends know this. I’ve always been a moody person anyway, but sometimes the shock of having to interact socially with ignoramuses is a bit much.
Okay, I’ve bored myself with this topic. Talk to you later.
My solitude is somewhat by choice and somewhat imposed. I will admit I sometimes get paranoid that everybody is ignoring me when in actually they are just busy or whatnot. I forget that others have commitments and such. Also, most of the people I’d spend time with don’t live nearby. Almost everyone in Portland hibernates for the winter, anyway. Seriously.
Most people annoy me. They’re not nearly as interesting as they esteem themselves to be. I don’t have a lot in common with the masses. Never have. Further, I don’t pretend to, which really pisses some off. I find small-talk mostly boring. I find polite conversation mostly boring. I lack the ability to mutely ignore ignorant or disagreeable comments. I can be especially abrasive to those who don’t know me, and my friends know this. I’ve always been a moody person anyway, but sometimes the shock of having to interact socially with ignoramuses is a bit much.
Okay, I’ve bored myself with this topic. Talk to you later.
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