Begin Again Again

When I first got to Iowa, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. Ironically, I was very fortunate in having a place I could take refuge. I came to live with my brother, whom I last lived with 22 years ago. I didn’t actually know quite what to expect. It turns out he’s not dissimilar to me if you removed my cockiness. I am privileged with the opportunity to get back on my feet without desperation. My brother, like myself, is a generous person. He has this Mennonite cookbook full of simple meals that he makes most nights. I am going to have to get myself a copy. First, I have to get myself a truck.

The public transportation system here is hilarious. There are something like 12 buses that make a loop once an hour and meet in the middle of downtown, so the bus route map is comparable to the city with a child-drawn flower on top of it. A ticket is $1.25; however, if you want to transfer (which you’ll always want to do unless your destination is downtown), you have to pay again or get a $3.00 day pass. Inexplicably, they stop running altogether at 7:00pm, and don’t run on Sundays at all!

Moving to a new place is an excellent opportunity to reinvent oneself. For starters, I tell everyone here I’m from the west coast, which I feel is true. One bizarre thing is that everyone here seems to think I’m quiet and reserved!

I have had the chance to sort through every single one of my possessions this year and get rid of a lot of junk. Most Americans have an appalling accumulation of crap. The things I own that I like the most are my tattoos, which is a good thing.

For the most part, it seems the only people that live in Cedar Rapids are those who don’t know enough to leave. But there’s something relaxing about the quaintness of it all. It’s a perfect place to save money, as housing is super cheap and there’s nothing to do.

I got a job working with AT&T. It’s not bad, but the co-workers I’m training with are a bunch of nineteen-year-old mothers who eat ramen noodles for every lunch and fast food for every dinner, all washed down with soda, which they call “pop.” I’ve been inspired by the reality that, no matter how bad it might be for me right now, at least I’m not one of these losers. I’m reminded of one of my favorite lines from the apropos movie Lonesome Jim, “I think about ending it enough as it is; I can’t imagine having YOUR life.” But really these kids are smart, witty and driven. I’ve found myself learning from them.

Nobody ever did anything by saying “I can’t.” I am the type of person who has tended to be motivated by criticism and bored with compliments. Now I’ve realized that negativity is the real bore. There is no greater gift than the opportunity to pay someone a compliment. I still think people that need to be complimented all the time are pathetic.

There have been times when I’ve felt life owed me something. Now I’m realizing I owe life something. While I can at times behave like a bratty little kid, at heart I am a responsible adult… who should not date bratty little kids. Another key realization is that I have always been attracted to strong-willed, independent people. This really explains a lot about my life.

I feel so blessed with all that I’ve accomplished and experienced. I’ve done more this year alone than what most people can ever dream of. Just thinking about the food I’ve eaten and the places I’ve been this year: The best Indian food I ate was in Tuscaloosa, breakfast- Tuscaloosa, Thai- Chattanooga, sushi- Portland, Mexican- Portland, bar food- Portland, Tex Mex- Huston, home-cooked meal- Tucson, coffee- Tucson, cocktails- New Orleans, Spanish- New Orleans, Italian- San Francisco, Peruvian- San Francisco… AND since I can’t get a nopales burrito around here, I’ve learned to make my own.