Dating Material

I find it humorous in retrospect that I spent some time last year wondering why the women I’ve loved more than anything all left me. It’s pretty obvious, really. I’m too selfish, stubborn, irresponsible, hedonistic and predictable to be long-term relationship material.

The one that lasted longest and didn’t leave me per se was my best friend more than a lover. Friends are awesome, but I am a passionate person that can quickly overbear them. I hear people say, “I’m not interested in casual sex because I don’t want to get too emotionally attached.” First, casual sex is a total misnomer. If it’s casual, you’re doing it wrong. The closest I’ve ever come to casual sex is on the occasion when I’m mostly asleep while spooning someone and it sorta slips in and I groggily think, “What? Oh whoops, I mean, oh well….” Second, what is this fear of emotional attachment? I’m the type who is emotionally attached to all kinds of people, including those I’ve barely met, will never see again and have never slept with. I’d be a little disappointed if the only way you could become emotionally attached to me was by having sex with me. The only way I know of living is intensely- “Right up to the hilt,” as Doc Holiday suggestively put it in Tombstone.

Girlfriends have accused me of talking too much about everyone I’ve ever loved. Don’t they get that after they dump me I will continue talking about them lovingly too? I don’t fall out of love. I even still love the ones I’ve broken up with. From my point of view, everybody is different and so loved in incomparable ways. Similarly, I don’t have a favorite color- I see existence as a rainbow of beauty clouded by ignorance and greed.

I don’t get jealous, so I admit I don’t empathize well with jealousy. Both of these drive most people crazy. “How can you love me if you don’t care what I do?” Huh? I don’t follow the logic. How could I love you if I caged you in? I’ve noticed that relationships are often grounded on the hope that either the other will change or that they’ll change you. Sorry; I’m just not interested in either of those things. Am I emotionally damaged? Yes. Have I ever met anybody who wasn’t emotionally damaged? No. I’m okay with that. I don’t have all the answers and can’t stand those who think they do. My interests are to live, die, let live, let die, have fun while doing so and speak out against oppression here and there along the way….