Sometimes I like to pretend I am impervious to anything life can do to me. Maybe it has something to do with watching all that television growing up during which automatic weapons were being fired all over the place and nobody ever got so much as a scratch. But if that were the reason, I’d be negating my own premise, wouldn’t I?
The reality is I’ve started having panic attacks lately. It began a little over a month ago on my way to a party. I attributed this to social anxiety, which made sense, as I had spent months prior to that essentially alone. Still, I am a person who has performed in front of thousands of people and never even thought of getting nervous.
After that, I’d notice it happening whenever I drank coffee. “It” consisting of my heart pounding out of my chest, having heat flashes, breaking out in sweat and having my hands shake like an unbalanced washing machine. Easy fix, there, although that sucks because I really like coffee.
Then yesterday, while pondering the state of the economy and my job, it happened again. Now, since when have I worried about the future? What happened to “Carpe diem; Eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow we may die; calculatedly irresponsible” Andrew? Am I that scared? C’mon, me, pull it together.
Fuck it, dude. Let’s go bowling. Except I don’t like bowling. Mah jong, anyone? One of many things I love about that game is that you can lose and still win.
2 comments:
I have the same thing, bud. Takes a few days or even up to a week to fully get caffeine out of your system. Gotta flush your system with water to help. Whenever I drink much caffeine, I try to make sure I am chugging water before/after, and usually I don't have any issues.
I haven't had a panic attack since I wrote this....
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